What happens after season 10?
by justme-randomstuff
Summary: What happens after Mcgee, Ziva and Tony hand in their badges? Tiva-centric
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everybody!  
****This will be my first NCIS fanfiction, I have some ideas that would not leave me alone, so I will give it try. Reviews would be very welcome! Thank you. My native language is Dutch, English is only my third language so there will be mistakes (probably a lot :s). Feel free to let me know!**

******Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

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Chapter 1:

After handing in their badges and guns, Mcgee, Ziva and Tony left the building going to their respective homes. All three of them didn't know what would come next, they just lost their jobs… But hé that's what you do to protect your family, right?! They didn't even had the time to tell the news to Jimmy, Ducky and Abby. Abby would most likely freak out and be really upset for a long time. Mcgee would visit her after she had finished work and be there for whatever she needed.

Tony arrived home twenty minutes later. He knew rationally that they did the right thing but it was still very hard to comprehend. So much has happened the last couple of days but he never thought it would end like this. He would do anything to protect his family no matter what, especially Gibbs. After working so long with him Tony considered Gibbs more a father than Senior would ever be. His dad was not a bad person, not at all Tony loves his father, but is was a complex situation. The past still hurts a lot…

After taking a beer Tony flopped down on his sofa. He wished he could go back in time and make everything right but knew that was impossible. But everything would be better then trying to deal with the current situation. He had no job, Gibbs was gone for an indefinite period of time, Mcgee looked so uncertain and Ziva… He didn't know where to start with her. He tried to understand her situation and how she must feel after losing her father, taking down Bodnar, the whole Parson situation and now Gibbs being gone as well. But damn he was angry with her right now! After everything they been through he thought she trusted him, but she saw him as nothing more than her partner/friend. He know his anger toward her was not justified because after al they were nothing more than friends, but he had hoped that she would understand that he felt so much more for her. He knew that he loved her, correction still loves her, but right now she had hurt him badly. He had told her that she was not alone "Ath lo leh-vahd" at the airport but she still had the guts to tell him she felt alone in Israel and that's why she had slept with Adam. He hated that guy! But she had also friend zoned him after everything that happened in Berlin, before the car crash, … Tony knew a beer wouldn't do the trick to try and forget everything, he needed something much stronger to ease the pain.

Ziva had gone straight to the gym after leaving NCIS, she knew she needed to get out all the emotions she felt inside. The past months had been so emotional and difficult and now she lost her job as well. And on top of everything Gibbs, to closest thing she has as a father, was gone. Ziva knew she had made a lot of mistakes these past couple of months, in particular regarding Tony. She had hurt him by not trusting him, going after Bodnar alone, sleeping with Adam, … Tony didn't know how much Ziva relied on him, he was her rock but she was too afraid to show him her true feelings. It was so much easier to keep him at a distant, even if it hurts the both of them. Back in the woods she wanted nothing more than to tell him how much she loves him. Yes Ziva David was in love with Tony DiNozzo, the class clown. It had taken her a lot of time to realise it, but after Tony rescued her in Somalia she knew she felt more for him than just friendship. But she never found the strength to tell him, what if he didn't felt the same…  
After a two hour workout Ziva still didn't feel any better but decided to go home, take a very long shower and trying to read a bit. At 11.30pm Ziva went to bed but only after an hour of sleep the nightmares returned…

_…_

_No one will be looking for you, you bitch! You mean nothing to them, just tell me what you know about NCIS and I will end your suffer! _

_…_

Ziva woke up sweating and breathing hard, tears were streaming down her cheeks. It took her a while before she knew that she was safe in her apartment and not lying in her cell in Somalia. After her father died the nightmares became much worse. From time to time she would still experience them but now she had two or three of them every night. To only thought to keep her from going insane was Tony. When she thought about him she would calm down and eventually she would fall back at sleep. But this time was different, after everything that happened today the nightmares wouldn't go away. She decided to take matters in hand and put on some clothes and shoes and left her apartment making her way toward Tony's home.

After his second shot of vodka Tony started to feel the effects of the alcohol, finally. Then all of a sudden he heard a knock on his door. Who would be standing on his porch at 2am? It didn't make any sense. After finding his keys Tony went to open his door in a haze, he was shocked when he found Ziva standing before him. She looked pale and tears were still running down her cheeks. But due to the alcohol Tony had already consumed all the anger toward her came to the surface.

"What are you doing here!?" Tony practically shouted.

"Euh... I couldn't sleep..." Ziva stuttered.

"So now I am good enough? Adam isn't around I guess?!"

"Adam was a mistake. It did not mean anything, you know that!" A sob escaped her throat…

"Just go away! You mean nothing to me!" With that said Tony shut his door and took his glass of Vodka, not realising what he just said and did.

Ziva too shocked to move remained standing before Tony's door and started crying. Saleem had said the exact same words to her…

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**Will be continued! **

**Ine**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hoi!  
****Here is chapter 2, t****hanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 2:

Tony woke up the following morning with a massive hangover, his head was about to explode and his stomach was playing crazy tricks on him. Even with all the alcohol he had consumed he was able to remember what happened yesterday/this morning. Tony could not belief how stupid he had been to react the way he did. Ziva would be so angry with him! He needed to make it right that much he knew. But first some more sleep was needed.

After standing half an hour in front of Tony's door Ziva decided to go home, what else could she do? Tony obviously hates her. Once at home Ziva could do nothing more than cry, never in her life had she felt so empty. After her father died Ziva had no biological family but she knew that her co-workers had her back, especially Tony. He had been so kind and supportive throughout the whole ordeal, even with all the mistakes she had made.  
At 5 am Ziva went on a run trying to clear her head, she needed to make important decisions regarding the future. She had build a new life here in the VS but now that she had lost her job Ziva didn't know if she would stay in DC. Maybe having a fresh start somewhere else would not be a bad thing.

After sleeping for a couple of hours, taking a much needed shower and eating breakfast Tony decided it was time to make things right with Ziva. He had made a huge mistake yesterday due to too much alcohol. Never before, apart from when Eli died, had he seen Ziva this vulnerable and crying so openly. He was sure there has to be something really wrong, aside from losing her job, Gibbs gone, Persons investigation, but Tony had no idea what.  
At nine o'clock Tony arrived at Ziva's apartment, coffee and donuts in hand. Knocking on her door, Tony heard her approaching.

Ziva was surprised when she heard a knock on her door, she thought it would be Abby demanding why they had quit their jobs. When she opened the door she was more than shocked to see Tony standing there with coffee in one hand, donuts in the other. He smiled politely at her. Even if she had to urge to shut the door in front of his face, Ziva could do nothing more than stare at him.

"Hello, may I come in?" Tony asked seeing she was lost in her own thoughts.

"I have nothing to tell you! Just leave Tony…"

"Please Ziva, I am sorry for yesterday, I had too much to drink and with everything that has happened. Just let us talk, we can work things out." Tony looked her in the eyes but there was no emotion written in them.

"What's going on, are you alright?" He asked her, his voice full of worry.

"I am fine, I just want to be alone."

"You are not fine Ziva, I can see that. Just let me in…"

Ziva opened the door so that Tony could come in, closing the door behind him and taking a seat on her sofa. Tony imitated her actions and took a seat on the opposite side of the sofa. He placed the coffee and donuts on the table in front of her. There was an uncomfortable silence for a long time.

"Ziva I am really sorry for yesterday, I didn't mean what I said, you are important to me! I just… with everything that has happened, I just wanted to forget everything for a while. I obviously drunk too much… Can you please look at me?" Tony asked his voice not louder than a whisper.

"There is nothing I have to say to you Tony." Ziva said to him, her voice without any emotion.

"Why were you crying Ziva? I know things have been far from easy but you looked so upset."

"Do you mean it when you say I mean something to you?" Ziva asked her voice sounding small.

"Yes of course Ziva, you don't ever have to doubt that, I didn't mean a thing I said yesterday. It's hard you know, not having a job, Gibbs gone. It is all so confusing, I just needed to stop thinking about all of it for a moment" His eyes begging her to understand him.

"Okay…" Ziva answered stoical.

"We can watch a movie if you want to? You can choose." Tony asked his voice sounding unsure.

For the first time Ziva looked up, a small smile appearing on her face, she nodded and stood up to select the movie she wanted to see. The movie started and the two of them watched in silence.  
Near the end of the movie Tony couldn't stand it any longer, he needed to know her answer.

"Ziva are we okay?" He asked.

"I think so but Tony are you angry with me? Ziva asked.

"Yes, no, I don't know." Tony answered trying to be honest with her.

"Is it Adam? I know it was wrong of me to sleep with him, but I do not have to explain my actions to you Tony." Her voice louder than before.

"I know…."

Tony's answer surprised Ziva, his voice sounded so defeated. "Tony… what are we doing?"

"Watching a movie." He tried to joke but failing.

"Funny DiNozzo! I know that but I mean between us."

"There is no US Ziva!" Tony almost shouted!

"Maybe there should be?" Ziva whispered, just loud enough for Tony to hear it.

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**Reviews are more than welcome, thank you all for reading! ;)**

**Ine**

**_It may seem like Tony and Ziva will be jumping into a relationship but it will not be like that. There are still lots of things they have to work out before they can move on. Just hang on! ;) Thanks!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everybody, here is the next chapter enjoy!  
Thank you all for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 3:

Tony was too shocked to respond at first. Did he hear her right? She thought there should be us, as in Ziva and Tony, as in a relationship between the two of them?

"Just forget about it!" Ziva said after a while, when Tony still did not say anything but just kept staring at her.

"No no Ziva, you are not going to take back your words!" Tony almost shouted.

Now it was Ziva's turn to look shocked. "Tony, we can not just be in a relationship, we are not ready, not at all. We were not talking to each other and fighting only an hour ago. I meant what I said but… " She sounded so small, so vulnerable. It was absolutely not the strong Mossad ninja Tony was used to.

"I know, you're right Ziva but do you think that we have a chance to make it work? I want to try, not today, not even tomorrow but one day in the near future."

It was strange for Ziva to hear Tony talking so openly about his feelings, even more to hear him talking about his feelings toward her. She knew she had to say something but right now all she wanted to do was hug him even maybe kiss him, but she knew it was way to early to do that. So she went for the second best thing, she got closer toward him on the sofa, took his hand and intertwined their fingers. Just like they did before the crash not so long ago. It was a small gesture but a huge step forward toward becoming more than just friends, which the both of them knew. All they could do was smile at each other. It was Tony who broke the comfortable silence after a while.

"I think that means yes?" He asked smiling his o so typical DiNozzo smile.

"Yes, that means yes." Ziva said, laughing at his almost childish behaviour she secretly loved.

They decided to watch a second movie, this time it was Tony who choose, Bond of course, what else. After a couple of minutes Ziva placed her head on Tony shoulder, snuggling closer into his side. This action brought a smile on both of their faces. After some time during the movie Tony noticed that Ziva had difficulties trying to keep her eyes open.

"You're okay Zi, you look tired?" Tony asked his tone not louder than a whisper.

"Hmmm just tired, did not sleep a lot." Ziva answered.

"I really am sorry about yesterday…"

"I know and I understand Tony, everyone has it own ways to deal with changes, yes?"

"Yea but…"

"No buts, we are okay! Lets just watch the movie." Ziva said while a yawn escaped her throat.

"I think you should take a nap and I should probably go and put my apartment back in order." Tony said while standing up.

Only seconds after Tony said those words, panic was written all over Ziva's face. Tony instincts kicked in and he knew in an instant that something was wrong.

"Ziva? Ziva, can you hear me? What's wrong, are you okay?" Tony asked his voice filled with worry.

"I am fine, we will see each other soon yes?" She said trying to sound as normal as possible, but failing miserably.

Tony didn't believe her for a second but let it go for now at least. "Okay, you are sure you're fine?" He asked.

"Yes Tony I am fine just tired, a nap will do wonders. Thank you."

"Okay, if there's something just give me a call?"

"I will, see you Tony." Ziva said while walking him out to the door.

"Bye Zi!" Tony said happily but also a bit worried about her reaction earlier.

Little did Tony know why Ziva started to panic by merely the thought of closing her eyes…

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**Reviews are still more than welcome!**

**I will be on vacation until Thursday, no Internet till then… So next chapter will be uploaded Friday the ninth.**

**I.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone!  
****Back in town after five amazing days spend in France! I have rereaded the first three chapters and found lots and lots of grammatical/spelling mistakes, my apologies. I will do my very best, but feel free to let me know if there are huge mistakes regarding grammar! Thank you for reading!**

******Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 4:

A couple of days had past since Tony went to see Ziva. He hoped to hear something from her but never even received a single text message. Tony decided to be the one to take the first step. After eating his breakfast he picked up his phone and dialled Ziva's number. After the second ring Tony heard her familiar voice on the other side.

"Ziva David."

"Hey Zeevaaah it's me!" Tony singsonged. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come over later and watch a movie, I could even make us dinner."

Ziva was surprised when her phone rang and saw it was Tony who was calling her. It's been a while since she last spoke to him. During these few days Ziva had a lot of time to think about the situation between to two of them because of the lack of sleep. The nightmares kept her up most of the night and she started to feel sleep deprived. When Tony invited her over Ziva was tempted to decline his offer but she knew she needed someone to be there for her eventually if she wanted a good night sleep. Before resigning and Gibbs leaving Ziva would sometime go over to Gibbs place and sleep there. Nobody, except Gibbs of course, knew this. The sleepovers started shortly after coming back from Somalia, when the nightmares were very present. The knowledge that there was someone who she trusted while sleeping made the nightmares less severe most of the time. Even when she experienced a bad dream Gibbs was there to wake her up and calm her down. Ziva didn't like the fact that she was being weak in the presence of someone else but Gibbs always reassured her that it is okay to be afraid and needing a shoulder to cry on from time to time. So after a short period of time she answered Tony:

"I would like that Tony, but you don't have to cook for me we can just order take-out."

"Oh Zi, that's not a problem I can make us some pasta if you like." Tony answered her.

"Okay that sounds nice, thank you!" Ziva said.

"Super, you can come over at 4pm if you want to. We can watch a movie before dinner." Tony's answered, his enthusiasm clearly audible in his voice.

"I would like that, see you later and thank you Tony!"

"No problem at all Ziva, see you soon! Bye!" Tony responded.

After hanging up the phone Ziva was lost in her own thoughts. She would like to tell Tony about her nightmares, Somalia, losing her father etc. but she was too afraid. It was not easy at all to talk about it. Ziva can't even find the words to describe what she experienced in Somalia. Just the thought of what she's been through makes her feel sick to her stomach. But she also knew that if she wanted to build a relationship with Tony she would have to talk to him about all of it someday. She decided to just see how things work out tonight, a good night sleep was her first priority. It's been a long time since Ziva felt so weak physically, the last three days she only slept seven hours. Fatigue was taking a toll on her body, she felt like she could cry any moment. Ziva decided to take a run, do some grocery shopping and hoping that time would fly by…

Tony was surprised that Ziva had agreed to watching a movie and eating dinner together. But he was also worried, she sounded off. He was determined to find out what was going on with her, even if that meant crossing some boundaries.

- 4pm -

At exactly 4pm Tony heard a knock on his door, _on time like always that's my ninja_, Tony thought.

"Hey Ziva, come on in!" Tony said his voice filled with joy, he was very happy to see her. But when he saw her standing there, in front of his door, he only saw a shadow of the "normal Ziva". She looked so tired and small. In an instant Tony's happiness was transformed into worry.

"You're okay Zi? Come in." He asked not sure if he should ask her that question.

Ziva wanted to be honest with Tony, so she went for the first thing that came to her mind.

"I am very tired, I am not able to sleep." She said sounding defeated, her eyes starting to fill with tears.

Tony first instinct was to embrace her in a strong hug, but he knew Ziva would not appreciate his pity for her. "Can I do something? Do you want to talk about it Zi? He asked his voice sounding unsure.

"I do not know Tony, I just need some sleep… Can we simply watch a movie?" Ziva asked trying to change the subject.

"Yea of course! Make yourself at home, I will take us some sodas and make popcorn. Okay?"

"Thank you Tony." Ziva said while taking a place on his sofa.

"Here you go." Tony said handing her a soda. " What do you want to watch, something light, maybe a comedy?"

"Everything is fine with me, you choose. I trust you!" Ziva answered a small smile appearing on her face.

"Okay... Ooh I found the perfect one 'Mrs. Doubfire', one comedy movie coming up my lady!" Tony said trying to make her feel comfortable.

"Never heard about it, but sounds good to me!"

After putting the DVD into the player Tony took a seat on the sofa. Only after five minutes Ziva came closer to Tony and put her head on his shoulder, just like she did the last time they watched a movie together. But this time Tony wanted to know what was going on in her head, so he pressed stop and faced her.

"Ziva… what's going on? Why can't you sleep? You look so tired. Are you still mad at me?" Tony rambled.

For the first time that evening Ziva looked Tony in the eyes, all her walls down. All the emotions she felt inside were visible on her face. Tony had never before seen so many different expressions/emotions on her face. There were times, like in Berlin and even in Paris, when he was able to see Ziva with her walls partially down but never like this. He could see pain, regret, desperateness, but also a little bit of hope in her eyes.

"I just… Do you remember that night when I stayed here after my father died?" She asked her voice not louder than a whisper.

"Yes, I can… Why?"

"Do you remember when you woke me up from that nightmare?"

"Yes I do Ziva, but I don't understand…"

"I still have nightmares Tony, every time I close my eyes… I am not able to sleep." Ziva said, trying to hold back the tears.

Tony could see how hard she tried to keep the tears at bay and decided it was time to cross some boundaries. But before he even had the change to do or say something Ziva interrupted him.

"You can not come any closer or do something please, I do not want to cry, I can not cry, that is just weak. Maybe I should go…" Ziva pleaded.

Ziva can you look at me, please?" Tony asked his voice full with worry.

Ziva was not able to look at him, so knew that if she would look in his eyes and saw the worry in them she would not be able to hold back the tears. But Tony put his thumb under her chin and lifted her face up.

"You know it's okay to cry, you are not weak if you cry Zi. Just let it go, I've got your back!"

These words were too much for Ziva to handle and the tears came rolling down her cheeks. She placed her head in her hands, with her elbows on her knees and started sobbing. Ziva had always been a very strong but private person who would keep her emotions hidden but seeing her like this Tony wondered how much Ziva already had endured during her life. All he wanted to do was provide her with some comfort but he didn't know how. But still having the urge to do something Tony tentatively placed his hand on her back and started to make comforting circles up and down her back.

After a while Ziva looked up at Tony, her eyes red from crying, and put her head on his shoulder. He put his arm on instinct around her waist keeping her close to him. They stayed like that for a few moments.

"Thank you Tony." Ziva whispered after some time.

"Your welcome Zi. If you want you can take a nap here while I prepare dinner."

"… Euh Tony?" Ziva sounded so small and vulnerable Tony had trouble keeping his own tears at bay.

"Do not go please?"

"I'am right here Ziva, just lay down. I'm going to bring you a blanket." Tony said while standing up and going to his bedroom.

After handing Ziva the blanket, reassuring her everything would be okay in time and that he would be right here Ziva closed her eyes and drifted to sleep. Tony left out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He had no idea things were this hard for her, it hurts him to see her like this. But he also knew he wanted to be there for her, whatever she needed.

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**Reviews are still more than welcome!  
From now on I will probably write two chapters a week, because I have some retests I have to take unfortunately... :(  
Thank you! ;)**

**I.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hoi!  
****Here's the next chapter, enjoy!  
****Thank you all for reading!**

**********Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 5:

Tony watched Ziva sleep for a few more minutes, making sure she was fine. Then he decided it was time to prepare dinner, even if he thought Ziva would probably be asleep for some time. He was going to make spaghetti just like his mother had taught him to. Tony started to boil the pasta when suddenly he heard noises coming from his living room. The noises reminded him of the last time Ziva slept in his apartment and when he had woken her up from a nightmare. Arriving in his living room Tony was initially surprised and slightly shocked by what he saw, Ziva was tossing and sweating heavily in her sleep and little sounds escaped her throat, he was sure she was having a nightmare.

…

_Leave me alone I have nothing to tell you! Do not touch me, you bastard!_

…

_Abba!_

…

Tony decided to wake her up before it got worse. Just like he did when her father had died, Tony gently pleased his hand on her arm and stirred her a little, while saying her name in a low voice. After the second attempt Ziva awoke with a start, slightly out of breath, her body tense and fear clearly visible on her face.

"Hey Zi it's just me Tony, you're safe. You're fine, just try to relax." Tony whispered trying to calm her down.

Only after whispering soothing words for a while Ziva started to relax. Tony loosed his grip on her wrist.

"Are you okay Ziva? Do you need some water? You can take a shower if you want, dinner will be ready in 10 minutes." Tony asked wanted to make sure Ziva was fine, his voice filled with concern.

Ziva was still trying to get rid of the remaining images of her nightmare, flashes from her time in Somalia and her father's dead popping up in her head. She was surprised when Tony woke her up but also relieved at the same time to see that he was still here, he had kept his promise! She saw Tony's worried expression and knew he was waiting for her to answer him.

"I am fine Tony, but I am not really hungry. I should probably go home." Ziva said to him her voice still slightly shivering.

"Ziva you're absolutely not fine and you do have to eat something, you look like you didn't eat anything since I last saw you. And will still have a movie to watch." Tony answered trying to keep her at his place a little bit longer to make sure she was okay.

"Fine, but I would like to refresh myself if that is possible?" Ziva whispered while trying to avoid Tony's eyes. She really wanted to stay at Tony's apartment, she felt safer here than being alone at her place. But she also knew that relying on others was a sign of weakness, that's what her father always told her. But then she remembered Gibbs words "_from time to time we all need a shoulder to cry on"_ and she knew it was not a shame to need Tony's comfort.

"Not a problem go take a shower, you can even borrow some of my clothes. Come on." He said helping her to her feet and leading her toward his bathroom.

Ten minutes later Ziva arrived in Tony's kitchen, her hair still wrapped in a towel. Ziva actually felt more refreshed than she had in the last couple of days even with the little sleep she had. She liked wearing Tony's clothes because she was able to smell his unique scent all the time, not that she would ever tell him that. The two of them ate in a comfortable silence, from time to time looking at each other.

"Mmmm I like your spaghetti Tony, I did not know you could cook?" Ziva said a small smile on her face.

"Glad you like it Miss David! I am a man with many secrets! Still up for a movie after dinner?" Tony smiled, very pleased with himself that Ziva liked his cooking.

"I do not know, I should probably go home, it is getting late." Ziva answered.

"Come on it's only 8pm, still a lot of time to watch a movie! It's not like we have to go to work tomorrow."

Ziva's face fell after Tony mentioned work. Tony could feel the atmosphere change and knew he should not have mentioned work. He still hadn't dealt with the fact of being unemployed and knew Ziva was struggling with it as well.

"Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say…" He said his voice sounding unsure of how Ziva would react.

"It is okay Tony, you do not have to apologize." Ziva said while squeezing his hand, that lay on the table in front of her, lightly. She knew it was difficult for Tony as well and that he was just trying to convince her to stay and lighten up the mood.

"You do know you don't have to be okay all the time Zi?" Tony whispered.

"What do you want me to say then." Ziva said her voice sounding stern.

"What about the truth?" Tony said avoiding Ziva's eyes.

"You do not want to hear the truth Tony, trust me…" Ziva said defeated.

"Why not Ziva?"

It took Ziva some time to answer, but she wanted to be honest with Tony without giving too much away.

"Because I do not know how? I do not know where to start to be honest." She said while tears were beginning to pool in her eyes.

"Do you trust me?" Tony asked.

Ziva was surprised by his question, but she didn't have to think long before answering him.

"Of course I do, you know that." She said an honest smile plastered on her face.

"That's good to hear, now come on let's get comfy on the couch. Much more easier to talk." Tony said while walking toward his living room, Ziva slowly following him.

"Tony… I can not…" Ziva whispered, not able to look Tony in the eyes.

"Trust me Zi, we can just talk no? Not necessary about to difficult stuff but about things we like, things we did when we were younger, nothing complicated." Tony asked trying to sound carefree, like nothing was going on.

"Okay we can, but you start." Ziva said while smiling, glad that Tony decided to keep things light even if eventually they would have to talk about more unpleasant topics.

They were talking and laughing, ZIva listening to Tony's funny stories he experienced during his stay in boarding school. She knew Tony only makes fun of himself this way when he tries to pretend that everything was fine back then and that it didn't bothered him that his father was most of the time out of the picture while he was growing up. Suddenly Ziva spoke:

"Tony why do you not take your own advice and stop pretending that you are okay with the way your father behaved when you were younger." She said stoical, her voice without any emotion.

"Whoho my ninja where is that coming from, I was just telling you a funny story." Tony answered, taken aback by her comment.

"It is not funny Tony." Ziva said while grabbing his arm. "Look a me and be honest with me!"

"There's nothing to say Ziva, I really am fine I don't care any more. It is how it is, it's been a long time." Tony whispered, but his voice sounding very stern.

"Why is it so difficult for us to just tell each other the truth?" Ziva said defeated.

"But Ziva I'm honest, I don't care anymore. I know my father did a poor job but look at me I'm perfectly fine now." He said trying to smile but failing.

"You know that is not the truth Tony! I saw the way you looked when you showed me that picture of your mother." Ziva responded still holding his arm. "And do not even try to make fun of yourself or joke about it Tony!"

"It's been a long time ago, I don't want to talk about it." Tony said while standing up, trying to put as much space between them feeling very uncomfortable with the current situation.

"Do not run away Tony, not now… I understand you do not want to talk about it but we have to talk about this kind of things if we want to… You know." Ziva whispered her voice small and unsure.

"I know…" Tony answered with a heavy voice, sitting back on his couch. "But not now, okay?"

"When Tony?" Ziva asked.

"Someday… I guess." Tony answered wanting to be honest with Ziva. He truly didn't know if he would even be ready to talk about his mother's dead and his father's behaviour.

"Someday, that is the word between us, is it not… Fine... I should go home!" Ziva answered not very happy with his answer.

"Stay! Please…" Tony asked his voice sounding very unsure. Ziva was surprised by his request but hearing his voice this vulnerable she accepted his offer.

"Okay, I will. Maybe we can finally watch that movie?"

"I would like that Miss David." He said while smiling.

Both took their places in his sofa, deciding they needed some entertainment after all the talking. Just like the last two times Ziva quickly placed her head on Tony's shoulder, enjoying his warmth.

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**Thanks for the reviews, they are still welcome!**

**I.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey!  
****Next chapter is up! Enjoy!  
****Thank you all for reading! And sorry for all the grammatical/spelling mistakes, I do my best.**

******Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 6:

After the movie ended Tony saw that Ziva's eyes were starting to close.

"Hey sleepyhead…" Tony whispered.

"Hmmm… what…" Ziva murmured but suddenly everything came back to her, the talking with Tony, where she was, etc.

"Sorry Tony I was falling asleep, I should go." Ziva said while standing up, refusing to make eyes contact with him.

"Please Ziva it's late you can stay here at my place, I will take the couch." Tony said trying to sound as casual as possible even if he really hoped she would say yes.

"I can not, your back and… No." She said looking down.

"Look at me Zi." Tony pleaded.

When Ziva didn't respond Tony placed his finger under her chin and lifted her face, so he could look into her eyes.

"Ziva it's late and you're too tired to drive, just stay here. I would feel better knowing you are safe." Tony used his puppy eyes trying to convince her.

The fact was that Ziva really wanted to stay at Tony's place, she didn't want to be alone. But her father had taught her, since she was very young, that you cannot depend on others, they will only betray you in the end. But this is Tony we are talking about, he had been her rock, the one person that always been there throughout everything. Ziva decided that she could trust Tony no matter what and nodded.

"Okay but I will take the couch." Ziva said a small smile plastered on her face.

"Oh no no Ziva I'm being a gentlemen here, I'm definitely taking the couch no arguing about it." Tony answered very determined, showing her his typical DiNozzo grin.

Ziva whispered some Hebrew words, Tony having no idea what she said but making a mental note to learn Hebrew in the near future.

"Come on time to go to bed Zi." Tony said making his way toward his bedroom.

"I thought you were going to sleep on the couch Tony?" Ziva asked trying to make Tony uncomfortable.

"Yea yea of course, I'am just gonna take a pillow, brush my teeth and stuff like that, after that the room is all yours." A smile visible on his face.

A couple of minutes later Tony reappeared in his living room clothed in sweat pants and one of his old t-shirt.

"Sleep tight Ziva, if there's anything you know where to find me."

"Good night Tony and thank you for everything." Ziva said, the honesty of her words clearly audible in her voice.

"Your welcome, now get some sleep."

After that the two parted each going to their respective sleeping place. Even if all they had done was some talking and watching a movie Tony was exhausted. Ziva had really taking him by surprise when she said he needed to take his own advice regarding his feelings toward his youth. He really didn't want to talk about his mother's dead and the way his father traded him during his life. But he knew he had to find a way to talk about it. And then there was all the stuff and emotions Ziva was going through. He knew it was hard for her and that she was fighting to stay strong and be okay. But damn it would all be so much easier if she just talked to him, he would always have her back! He tried to clear his head and get some needed sleep.

Ziva crawled into bed, no in Tony's bed to be exact. He could be such a goofy ball from time to time but that's one of the things she likes about him. But secretly she was glad to sleep in his bed, she could smell his scent all over the sheets and it calmed her down. She knew the nightmares probably wouldn't be far away, but she knew Tony would be there just like this afternoon and after her father died. Ziva would like nothing more than be able to tell Tony everything and be completely honest with him about all of it. But there was always something that held her down, probably fear she thought… One day she would tell him, that she promised not only to him but also to herself. After going over everything that happened today Ziva drifted to sleep.

…

_She was lying on the dirty floor, hadn't eaten in four days, blood all over her clothes, sweat dripping from her body because of the heat. But she could deal with all of that… But then they came again. She tried to be as still as possible, not put up a fight but it was so hard…It hurts so much._

…

"Please make it stop, please…"

Tony was not able to sleep, there were so many things that kept playing over and over in his head. Suddenly he heard whispers coming from his bedroom, the room currently occupied by Ziva. First he thought it was just his mind playing tricks on him, it was after al 3am. But then he heard it again and slumbered toward the room.

"Please make it stop…"

Ziva was sweating and turning over and over again in his bed, fearful words escaping her throat.

"Please make it stop… please leave me alone!"

Tony knew he needed to wake her up and make the nightmare go away. Just like he did before he gently placed his hand on her arm and began to whisper her name.

"Come on Zi wake up, your safe here, wake up." Tony whispered urging her to wake her up. After a couple of tries she woke up with a start, gasping for air.

"Do not touch me!" Ziva screamed, pulling her knees to her chest and placing her arms tightly around her legs. Her whole body was shivering, her breathing hard and fast.

Tony needed to act fast because he saw that she was starting to have a panic attack. He started whispering little words to her, trying to calm her down. He told her stories about the first couple of years they had worked together. After a while Ziva started to relax a little bit, her breathing becoming more regular.

"Thank you." Ziva whispered, her voice harsh. She tried to keep her emotions in check but she knew she was failing.

"You don't have to thank me Ziva, I will always have your back. Do you want some water?"

"I am fine." Ziva said but a single tear escaped her eye, she was absolutely not fine.

"Don't pretend you're fine Ziva! Your were starting to have a panic attack only five minutes ago!" Tony almost shouted.

Tony saw how she tried to keep from crying but he just wish that she would trust him enough to show him her real emotions. Some more tears made their way down her cheeks and Tony could not take it any more. She was still in the same position but he embraced her in a "side hug". This time when Tony enveloped Ziva in a hug she started crying. Loud sobs escaped her throat.

"I am right here Zi just let it all out, I've got you. You're gonna be alright I promise." Tony whispered in a soothing voice.

"Stay here please, do not go…" She pleaded, sounding so vulnerable.

"I am not going anywhere, I'm right here."

Tony asked Ziva to lie down and placed the blankets over her. He stayed on top of the sheets but placed his arm around her waist and kept whispering consoling words to her. The two of them stayed like that for some time. After a while Tony heard Ziva breathing even out, she was back to sleep. His heart was hurting, Ziva was the strongest person he knew but only twenty minutes ago she was sobbing so hard his body was trembling as well. He had no idea what her nightmare was all about but he knew it must be something terrible by the fear in her eyes. But now she was sleeping so close to him and he hoped somehow that his present would calm her down a bit so she could at least have some decent sleep. He would absolutely do anything for her!

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**Like always reviews are more than welcome, and thank you for the reviews I already received. It' s very nice to hear your opinion!**

**I.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hoi everybody!  
New chapter is up, enjoy!**

**********Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 7:

Tony was surprised to see that he was the first one to wake up the next morning, Ziva was still sound asleep. Tony felt relieved, he was afraid that after yesterday Ziva would be gone in the morning because she felt ashamed by the emotions and tears she had showed. But they still lay in the same position, Tony's arm in a protective manner around Ziva's waist and Ziva on her side with her face toward Tony. It was the first time since a very long time that Tony had seen Ziva so relaxed. He decided to get out of bed, without waking up Ziva or at least trying to, and prepare breakfast. But so much for his attempt, Ziva's ninja senses were still on high alert even in her sleep. She woke up the second Tony removed his arm around her waist.

"What is going on?" Ziva asked with a sleepy voice.

"Shh go back to sleep Ziva, I will wake you up when breakfast is ready." Tony whispered.

"Eum… what time is it?"

"A little after nine, why?" Tony asked still not sure how she would react after yesterday's events. He was afraid she would shut him out after all.

"Oh…" Was all Ziva could say.

"Is there something wrong Zi?"

"No not really... I usually wake up at 5am and…" Ziva said looking down trying to avoid Tony's face.

"And what Ziva?" Tony asked his voice gentle trying to make her comfortable.

"It is the first time I slept this long without you know…" She whispered still looking down.

"That's a good thing no?" Tony asked.

Ziva still refused to make eye contact with Tony. She only shrugged…

"You know you don't need to be ashamed about yesterday yes? We all need someone sometimes, I'm glad I could help Ziva." Tony said very determined to let her know that he didn't think any less of her on the contrary.

This time Ziva felt strong enough and looked Tony in the eyes.

"I am not sure, do not get me wrong I am very grateful for your help and support. I just…"

"Hé Zi that's what friends are for!" Tony answered his voice full of hope and honesty.

"Tony… you are more than just a friend. I mean after you woke me up this morning… eum it is the first time since my father died that I felt safe enough to go back to sleep because you stayed here. Normally I would go for a run and stay up till I had to go to work." Ziva whispered very self-conscious and a bit ashamed.

Tony was, to say the least, very surprised by Ziva's answer and had no idea how to respond to that. He was very thankful because she had basically told him not only that she trusted him but also that she thought of them as more than just friends. He wanted to show her that he was very thankful to be that person in her life.

"Thank you." Tony whispered not sure what else to say.

"No thank you Tony." Ziva answered while taking his hand and intertwined their fingers. A smile appearing on both their faces.

Tony was very unsure what to do next, he would like to give her a hug but thought it was probably to early. The next thing Ziva said took Tony totally by surprise.

"Is it okay if I give you a hug?" She asked. Tony wasn't sure he had heard her right, the words came out not louder than a whisper.

"Yes, of course."

The two embraced each other in a tight hug, Ziva's placed her arms around Tony's torso, her head on his chest. His arms went around her shoulders keeping her close to him while resting his chin on her head. Ziva whispered:

"Thank you Tony."

"You're welcome Zi!"

They stayed like that for what seemed like hours before letting go of each other. Tony was the first one to speak:

"I will make breakfast, you can take a shower if you like. If you need any clothes just take a look in my closet. Okay?"

"I would like to take a shower thank you." Ziva answered while standing up.

"Okido take your time!" Tony answered in a joyful voice.

Tony was glad Ziva didn't seemed too uncomfortable after what happened yesterday. He was definitely in a good mood, he never expected her to be so open with him or even hugging him. But it felt good, they were finally starting to work through their personal problems together. He was proud of her for sharing some of her feeling with him, but he had no idea how to tell her that because it sounds really silly. He is still a guy and a DiNozzo after all and has a reputation to protect, at least that's what he always thought. But he felt comfortable with Ziva and he would like to be able to share some of his memories about his family with her.

Ziva was feeling really good, such a huge weight was off her shoulders. Sharing some of her emotions with Tony was absolutely a good idea even if she had her doubts before. She still felt not completely sure about sharing her feelings with others but Tony was an exception. She felt so many different feelings toward him and most of them made her so confused but she knew Tony would never hurt her intentionally. He was definitely worth it.

Fifteen minutes later Ziva walked into Tony's kitchen wearing one his sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Hey, what are you making?" She asked.

"Just some eggs with toast, I don't really have anything else." He answered. Tony felt a little unsure, when he proposed to make breakfast he forgot that he actually didn't had a lot of food in his house. He felt kind of stupid.

Ziva sensed that he was a bit uncomfortable, but she couldn't care less what they ate. She was just glad to be in his company.

"Eggs and toast sounds perfect!" She answered cheerful.

"Okay, take a seat Miss David and enjoy!"

The two of them ate in a comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other company. After a while Tony was lost in his own thoughts. In two days it would be the anniversary of his mothers dead. Usually he would go back to his hometown and make a tour around. Visit his old house, the school he used to go to before boarding school and finally visit his mother's grave. Afterward Tony would go home and get so dronk he would not remember what he had done the next day. Even after so many years it still hurts a lot. He was thinking that maybe this year he could ask Ziva if she would like to come along. If she could let him in on her thoughts/emotions than he should do the same.

"What are you thinking Tony?" Ziva asked, growing a little bit worried about his silence. Most of the time silence with Tony means there is something wrong with him.

"Hmmm what?"

"What are you thinking?" Ziva asked again.

"Oh… do you have something to do in two days?"

"No why, what is going on?"

"Nothing… Just... I'm going home then, would you like to come with me? You don't have to, your choice." Tony rattled of, suddenly very unsure why he would even ask her something like that.

"I would like to come with you, are you sure? Are you okay Tony?"

"Yes I'm fine, of course I'm fine! Okay that's settled. What are you doing today, like to watch some more movies together?" Tony said trying to chance to subject.

"Yes I would like that! I will do the dishes while you go shower you smell." Ziva said a smile appearing on her face because of the way Tony looked at her.

"I do not, David! If you're not nice, no movies for you!"

"It was just a joke Tony, now go!" Ziva answered while laughing.

Hearing Ziva laugh was worth a lot even if she was laughing on his account. He hurried toward his bathroom, eager to be back and watch some movies together.

"Hey Ziva, it's your turn to pick a movie by the way!"

Twenty minutes later Ziva and Tony were sitting in his sofa watching 'The sound of music', much to Tony dislike. But he didn't complain because being with Ziva was worth everything even if that meant watching a crapy movie.

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**Thank you for all the reviews I already received.  
Like always reviews are more than welcome!  
**

**I.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hoi!  
Here is a new chapter, enjoy! And thank you all for reading.**

**********Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 8:

Two days later Ziva was getting ready for the day, in half an hour Tony would be here. They would go to the place where Tony grew up and Ziva was excited. She knew it probably had taken him a lot of courage to ask her to come along but she was really grateful for it. She realized there would possibly be some bittersweet moments, it was after all still the place where Tony grew up and where he had made lots of fond memories with his family. Now it was her time to be there for Tony if he needed it.  
During the past two days time flew by, filled with doing groceries, cleaning, laundry, … . Ziva felt refreshed and peaceful, yesterday she only had one nightmare and last night none at all. Finally things started to brighten up for her.

Meanwhile Tony was making a mess of his clothes, he was so nervous about today that he had spilled coffee on his shirt again. He hadn't told Ziva what they were going to do so he was apprehensive toward her reaction. Would it not be too awkward or strange? He was determined to make the best of it and just wait and see how things would go. He also felt kind of sick, this day always brought back memories he hoped never ever having to face again but that was not an option. These memories were stuck in his memory for even, usually he just didn't deal with them. He tried to block them out like they never existed but that was impossible. On a normal day Tony would think back to that day at least once but today was different. He would be surrounded by many reminders of that day, of his youth altogether. He hoped he could face everything without showing too much emotion. He could be emotional when he was back home he thought.

Twenty minutes later Tony was knocking on Ziva door, it only took her a couple of seconds before opening it.

"Hey Tony, how are you? Ready for today?" Ziva asked her voice filled with joy.

"You sound cheerful today! And I'm good, how are you?" Tony answered.

"I am fine, slept well."

"No nightmares?" Tony asked after some hesitation.

"Yes none!" A bright smile appearing on Ziva's face.

"That's great Ziva, you deserve it."

"Thank you, are we all ready to go?" Ziva asked.

"Yes, I brought along some water and sweets it's quite a long drive. That's okay?"

"That is very thoughtful of you and we have time, no? Come on lets go!" Ziva said while taking her stuff and closing her front door.

The moment Ziva opened her door and saw him standing there she knew it would be a long day. Tony looked pale, a bit nervous and a little lost. Definitely not his normal self but she would try to cheer him up by acting all happy and delightful.

The drive was slightly less than four hours. During that time little was said other then some small talk about unimportant stuff. Minute by minute they came closer toward their destination Ziva felt Tony starting to grow more and more unrestful. She didn't know what was coming but she could tell by Tony's behaviour it was something he was not sure about how to handle it. The car came to a stop and both of them went out and made their way toward each other.

"Tony…"

"Hmmm…"

"Are you okay, you seem a little off?"

"I'm fine Ziva, it's just I never before asked someone to come along that's all." Tony shrugged.

"Oh thank you… So this is where you grew up?" Ziva asked, surprised that she was the first one was to come along.

"Yes is it, I would like to show you around if you like."

"That is perfect, just take the lead DiNozzo." Ziva said while smiling, trying to make Tony feel more comfortable.

The two of them made a trip around his old house and his school. Tony told Ziva some funny stories he remembered about dirty tricks he did with his friends. They both had to laugh. After some time they ended up in front of the graveyard. This is where the hard part begins Tony thought. He wanted Ziva to come with him and "meet" his mother. Only the thought of his mother being so close to him made his stomach flip.

"Ziva… I would like you to meet someone." Tony whispered his voice lanced with an emotion Ziva was not very familiar with, he sounded sad, very sad.

It was only after Tony said these words that Ziva put all the pieces of the puzzle together. He wanted her to meet his mother, or at least her grave. Suddenly she was overwhelmed with so many emotions. This was a very big step for Tony, trusting her with something this personal, this painful. She had no idea how to react but suddenly it all made sense why he was so unrestful.

"Are you sure?" Ziva whispered back.

"Yes, or at least I think I am." Tony answered honestly.

"I want to be open with you Zi and this, the dead of my mother, is a big part of me, it made me who I'm today. If we want to be together at some point in the future I need to let you in, little by little. I'm not ready yet to tell you about my mother but I'm ready to show you at least this." Tony uttered, looking down.

Ziva was bewildered but very touched by his confession. She knew how hard it is to talk about the family you've lost. So it was a huge sign of trust to take her to this place. She knows Tony is a very private person, he would joke about his family and how Senior acted but except from that one time when he talked about his mother Tony hadn't showed any deep emotions about his family. This was definitely a monumental step forward and Ziva was determined to let him know that she felt really honored by this act of trust. Ziva took a step toward Tony so that they were practically face-to-face and placed one hand on his chest while her other hand cupped his cheek so he was looking into her eyes.

"Thank you Tony for trusting me. I understand how difficult it must be but I want you to know that I am really grateful that you want me to meet your mother."

At that point a single tear made his way down his cheek, Tony felt very embarrassed. He was not supposed to be this emotional, he had told himself over and over again these last two days to keep it together in Ziva's company. Ziva was quick to brush away the tear with her thumb, gently stroking his cheek in the process. She felt that he was not comfortable with displaying his emotions.

"You know a good friend told me once that every once in a while everyone need someone to rely on. It is okay Tony." Ziva told him, her hand still remaining on his chest.

"Thank you Zi… Would you come with me please."

Tony led Ziva toward his mother's grave and knelt down, removing all the leafs that had fallen onto the gravestone. He made sure the whole stone was pristine. Then he stood next to Ziva both looking at his mother's grave…

**IN LOVING MEMORY OF**

**ELISABETH MARIE PADDINGTON**

**OCT. 12. 1946**

**JUNE 10. 1979**

It was Tony who broke the silence after a while:

"It's complicated you know, I still miss my mom but I was too young to have lots of memories. I still have some but I guess over the years I've got used to not having a mother. What makes it so difficult is that she didn't have to die and that since that day I've lost my father as well in some way. I love Senior but it hurts you know, I was just a child and…" Tony couldn't find the words anymore, the pain in his heart was too much all of a sudden. It's true he loves his father but had done a very poor job parenting him.

Ziva could see the hurt reflecting in Tony's eyes and face. After he had stopped talking Ziva took his hand between hers, just letting him know that she understood, words weren't necessary to express her thoughts in that moment.

They stayed like that for a very long time, Ziva making sure Tony knew he could depend on her.

"I would like to go home." Tony whispered.

"We could stay a bit longer if you want." Ziva answered.

"No thank you, it's time."

"All right, I will drive."

"Fine…" He answered looking down avoiding any eye contact with her.

Tony and Ziva made their way toward his car, still holding hands. Ziva knew that Tony needed some reassurance. Tony on the other hand was emotionally exhausted, he had tried to keep his emotion under control, only one tear escaped his eye but it was fatiguing. While driving home the both of them were lost in their own thoughts, Tony was looking outside the window his face still looking very sad and tired. After some time it was Ziva who broke the silence:

"We can go to my place, I can cook us something."

"Thanks for the offer Ziva but I need some time alone, sorry…"

"I understand, you know I am very thankful you shared all of these memories with me. Your mother's gravestone is really beautiful." Ziva said.

"Thank you…" Was all Tony could say.

A couple of hours later they arrived at Ziva's place.

"You can come up, the offer still stands." Ziva spoke.

"Thank you maybe an other time."

"Sure, are you going to be okay Tony?" Ziva asked, a bit worried about his whole demeanor. She hoped he would not do anything stupid.

"I will be fine Ziva, I'm not a little boy anymore."

"I know, do not be a stranger, we will say each other soon yes?

"Yea we will, good night Ziva."

"Good night Tony." Ziva said while walking toward her apartment. She was concerned, she knew Tony wasn't fine at all. She would make sure he was alright the following morning.

Tony drove home on autopilot, not aware of anything that happened on the outside world. He needed a good drink after today, washing away all the bad memories. He was glad he had shared this day with Ziva but he just needed some time alone right now. He would probably regret it in the morning but he needed lots of alcohol at this moment…

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**Thanks for reading, here are some remarks to try and make things more truthful. **

**In the show it is said that Tony grew up in Long Island, New york. Tony now works/lives in Washington DC. I did some research and they say it's about 375km/233 miles, so it would probably take more than four hours. But it's still fiction so I choise the drive to be quicker.**

**Also regarding the timeline of this story. The show ended May 14 but I only started to write at the beginning of august. Like mentioned in this chapter we are only at the beginning of June. I just wanted to make that clear to avoid vagueness. I still have lots of ideas so at this point I have no idea when/where this story will end…**

**Like always reviews are more than welcome! **

**Greetz!  
I.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey everyone!  
Here is a new chapter, enjoy!  
I do my very best but I am sorry if there are spelling or grammatical mistakes...  
Thank you all for reading this story! I never expected this amount of response but it makes me very happy!**

**************Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 9:

Four days later Ziva still hadn't heard anything from Tony, she had sent him a bunch of text messages, even going over to his apartment but without any success. She was concerned to say the least. Where would he be, was he all right? Ziva felt a little hopeless, what if something had happened to him? She knew he probably just needed some time alone, dealing with everything that happened the last month. Yes it's already been a month since the three of them handed in their badges, thirty days without any news from Gibbs…  
All the events were beginning to take its toll on Ziva, she felt so damn tired. The last nights the nightmares were keeping her from any decent sleep, during the day all she did was worrying about Gibbs, Tony, … But she also felt hurt, the last weeks she had shared a lot with Tony and now he just what? He didn't want to be in her company anymore, what about the post elevator us? She thought she could rely on Tony but in the end it seems that her father was right, you cannot depend on others. Ziva felt like crying but she would not let the tears fall, she was too proud for that.

Tony strolled toward his bedroom, for the fourth day in a row he was quite drunk, so the minute his body came in contact with his bed he fell asleep. He knows that this was not the way to deal with your problems. But for now it was all he could do, he was not ready yet to deal with everything. He knew Ziva had send him lots of text messages and even knocked on his door, but he couldn't face her. She had seen him in a vulnerable state and to be honest he felt ashamed. People were not supposed to see him in that state of mind. Tony knows that eventually he had to face and talk to Ziva, he couldn't ignore her forever.

That evening they would all come together for dinner. Abby had sent the whole team, expect from Gibbs, a message that is was about time they did something together. Knowing Abby nobody was able to refuse the invitation, so at 7pm they would meet each other. Tony hoped he would be refreshed by that time, Ziva on the other hand was nervous. She looked forward being together with the people she loves but she didn't look forward seeing Tony, she had no idea how to be in his presence. She was angry with him but most of all she felt disappointed, he had hurt her by ignoring her like she didn't exist. But she would just see how things go and she would definitely enjoy spending time with her dysfunctional family.

A little before seven that evening everyone was gathered at a small but cosy restaurant. Abby hugged every member of the former MCRT team in a tight embrace, not wanted to let him or her go. She hated that her friends had quite their jobs but she understood why they had done it, but it didn't make it any easier. Tony and Ziva tried to avoid each other the whole time, pretending not to notice each other glances. Near midnight the group started to separate, every one going their own way. It was Tony who made his way toward Ziva.

"Ziva?"

Ziva just ignored him, she was not in the mood to talk to him right now.

"Ziva would you stop walking for a second and listen to me?" Tony asked.

"Now you want to talk to me Tony after ignoring me for the last four days!" Ziva almost shouted.

Tony knew it wouldn't be easy to talk to Ziva but he just needed her to listen to him. The last four days he had plenty of time to think about them and to be honest he is afraid. That day at his mother's grave he was glad that he had asked her to come along but now he was not so sure. How was he supposed to share all of his feelings with her? His mother had broke his heart and he never wanted to go through that pain again. His head told him he could trust Ziva but his heart was still not completely sure. For now he just wanted to fix their friendship.

"Can we talk Ziva, let me explain it…" He whispered, making no eye contact with her.

Ziva was still hurt and angry with Tony but seeing him like this, miserable, she decided to give him a chance to explain himself.

"Speak DiNozzo!"

"Can we go to my place, it's easier to talk there?" He asked after some hesitation.

"Here is just fine, just spill it out Tony."

"Come on Ziva, I know I'm a jerk but can we please talk in private and not in the middle of the road?"

"Okay but make it quick I'm tired." She answered after hearing the desperation in his voice.

Twenty minutes later they arrived at Tony's place still not talking to each other.

"Don't look at the mess, I didn't have any time to clean up." Tony said.

Ziva walked into his apartment and was shocked to see the mess, there were lots of beer bottles on his coffee table, his living room was a chaos.

"Tony…" Ziva whispered.

"Come we will sit in the kitchen no mess there." Tony joked trying to lighten up the mood.

"What is going on with you?" Ziva asked the worry audible in his voice.

"Nothing Ziva…"

"Be honest with me Tony! Why did you ignore my messages, I even came over. Why didn't you answer your door?" She requested.

"I don't know where to begin to be honest Ziva… I thought I was okay with you coming along and meeting my mother, I mean you know… But now I'm not sure, I want to share my feelings with you but right now I have absolutely no idea how. And I am very sorry for that, you trusted me with some of your stuff and I blew it. I completely blew it…" Tony babbled wanted to get it all out, the guilt of ignoring her becoming bigger and bigger.

Ziva was taken aback by his words, she wanted to take away his insecurities and tell him everything would be all right but that would be a lie and she knew it.

"I do not know what to say Tony…"

"And that's our problem isn't it, we don't know how to talk to each other? I mean we talk but not about the difficult stuff, we need to find a way to talk about that as well" Tony said.

"I know Tony…" Ziva whispered, all the emotions of the last days coming back. They both wanted to take their friendship to a higher level but they were both emotional dysfunctional. Some tears made their way done her cheeks…

Tony let his instinct take over and put his arms around her body, enveloping her in a hug. Some of his own tears escaped his eyes. The two of them stood there, both silently shedding some tears, because it hurts. They cared about each other deeply but that was not enough to make it work in the long run, they needed to find a way to talk honestly about all of their feelings.

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**Like always: reviews are more than welcome! Enjoy the rest of the weekend!**

**I.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey!  
Here is a new chapter finally, sorry for the delay. I have re-readed all the previous chapters and still found lots of grammatical/spelling mistakes, my fault sorry! Enjoy and thank you all for reading!  
**

**********Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

_Previously:_

_Tony let his instinct take over and put his arms around her body, enveloping her in a hug. Some of his own tears escaped his eyes. The two of them stood there, both silently shedding some tears, because it hurts. They cared about each other deeply but that was not enough to make it work in the long run, they needed to find a way to talk honestly about all of their feelings._

Chapter 10:

After a while Tony and Ziva parted, both secretly missing each other warmth. It was Tony who spoke first:

"We will find a way Ziva, we always do." He said with a harsh voice.

"I hope so… I should go home it is getting late." Ziva answered her voice still lanced with tears.

"You can stay if you like?" Tony asked with some hesitation.

"No thank you I want to go home."

"You're still mad at me... I understand it wasn't fair of me to ignore you like that. I'm sorry Ziva, take your time." Tony stated.

"I am but you can try and make it up to me with lunch tomorrow, maybe." Ziva suggested.

"That I can do!" Tony exclaimed, relieved that Ziva was not shutting him out.

"Okay good, see you tomorrow." Ziva said while walking toward his front door.

"Bye Ziva, be safe and good night."

Tony was alleviated that Ziva had listen to him, he knew things would not be good right away but they could work through it they always did. He had been a completely idiot toward her without any reason, his behaviour was not Ziva's fault, not at all. Tony needed to make up his mind, if he wanted to start a serious relationship with Ziva then it was only logical he should share his feelings with her. He knew for sure that Ziva would not be a casual woman with whom he would have sex a couple of times and never see again afterward. No she was the one for him, his soulmate, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But he needed to make sure they were on the same page.

Ziva was so confused, one minute she was angry and disappointed with Tony the next she wanted nothing more than be in his company and share the same space. That's what being in love feels like I guess, Ziva thought. She felt worn out by all these feelings and raw emotions but she also was relieved, at least Tony had been honest. They could work together to overcome their problems, that she knew for sure. Ziva was looking forward to seeing Tony tomorrow.

The following day at exactly 12pm Tony knocked on Ziva's door.

"Hey Zeevaaah I'm here bearing gifts, some delicious sandwiches and a movie or two." Tony announced with a playful grin.

"Then I guess you can come in." Ziva smiled.

"Thank you."

They ate in a comfortable silence while watching one of Tony's movies, 'Bad Boys II' to keep things light between them. After lunch it was Tony who broke the silence:

"Ziva can I ask you something?"

"Yes of course."

"I don't really know how to say it without too much pressure but when you said a while ago that maybe we should be in a relationship... Eum I mean we are talking about the same thing here right?" Tony voiced not sure about Ziva's reaction.

Ziva hadn't seen that question coming but it would be good to know what the other expected. So after some consideration she answered:

"If you mean by the same thing a serious relationship than yes." Ziva felt very self-conscious, she wasn't used to talking so openly about her feelings.

A huge grin appeared on Tony's face.

"Good very good, so we agree on that super! Okay here is what we could do if you want of course. It's very obvious that it's difficult for the both of us to talk about our feelings, about personal and painful stuff in general. But I think that if we want to become more than friends we have to talk about all of it at some point. I don't want to pressure you, don't get me wrong. We already shared things you know the whole post-elevator-us but what do you think if we shared something personal that the other don't know yet every week. What do you think Ziva?" Tony suggested not sure how she would react.

Ziva was listening very carefully and could do nothing more than agree with him. Tony was right if they wanted to work toward a relationship then they had to share things, stuff that was important.

"I think it is a good idea Tony but…" Ziva answered but avoid making eye contact with him.

"But what Zi?" Tony asked.

"Just one step at the time yes?"

"Yes, I know it won't be easy but I'm willing to try. Are you?"

"I am Tony, but you have to promise me something."

"Anything!" Tony responded quickly.

"I know we both need some space from time to time but promise me you will not run away or ignore me afterward." Ziva stated very determined, she could forget the previous days but she was not going to let Tony play with her feelings.

"I promise Ziva, I was an idiot to you sorry." Tony answered honestly.

"Stop apologizing, rule number six DiNozzo." Ziva said while smiling.

"Yea I know! Okay that's enough heavy stuff for one day don't you think."

"I agree." Ziva returned.

"Oh Ziva one more question." Tony added suddenly very unsure.

"I am listening Tony."

"I know we are not there yet and it may take us weeks, months hell even years before we have confided each other with everything. But would you like to go out on a date with me?"

Ziva was utterly overwhelmed with Tony's invitation, he wanted to go on a date with her? Whoow! Ziva knows it makes sense to ask someone on a date when you're interested in him or her but it felt kind of surreal that Tony would ask her. She felt like the luckiest girl in the world right now, Tony had asked her on a date and not someone else! It took Ziva some time to gather her thoughts.  
Meanwhile Tony was considering if he had made a huge mistake, maybe it was too early. He had to make things right before they were out of control and he lost her as a friend.

"Ziva it's okay if it's to soon, you don't have to. You can say no if you don't want to." Tony stuttered.

"No Tony I want to, I would like to go on a date with you! Thank you." Ziva answered not wanting to give Tony the wrong impression, she would absolutely love to go on a date with him.

"You're sure?"

"Yes I am!" Ziva expressed.

"Okay Miss David, then I would like to invite you on a date with me next Wednesday." Tony asked very serious but with a huge smile on his face.

Ziva didn't have to think twice. "I would love to go on a date with you Tony!" Ziva answered, very happy and with sparkling eyes.

All Tony could do was continue to smile, he felt like he had won the lottery probably even better! His day couldn't get any better.

"Thank you Ziva, I'm honored." He replied after some time.

Ziva was affected by Tony's offer, her cheeks were starting to blush. This was so not her, she never blushed but Tony has his ways to take her by surprise. She felt safe in Tony's company and was grateful to have him in her life. She moved closer to him on his couch and placed her head on his shoulder while taking his hand in hers.

"Thank you Tony." Ziva whispered after a while.

They continued to watch movie after movie just content to be in each other presence…

* * *

**Thanks for reading, like usual reviews are more than welcome!**

**I.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone!  
Here's a new chapter, the longest since I start writing this story, enjoy!  
I would love to hear your opinion about this chapter!  
Thank you all for reading!**

**********Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 11:

When it was finally Wednesday Ziva was starting to get nervous, tonight she and Tony would go out on an actual date. No pretending to be married or whatsoever but just going out as Tony and Ziva, it was exciting. Ziva had no idea what to expect, Tony wouldn't give her any hint on what they were going to do at all. Ziva had texted him several times these last two days, in the hope he would give her any clue but to no avail. His only response was that they weren't going out to dinner, not this time anyway, and that he would pick her up at 7:45pm. Ziva had no idea what to wear, she wanted to look good for Tony so a dress would be fitting but maybe it would be too much since they weren't going out for dinner, dilemma…

In the meantime Tony was preparing himself for tonight, this would be their moment! He had to pull some strings to make his plans work and hoped Ziva would like it. Tony had never done something like this before because it was going to be something very personal. Never before had he trusted anyone enough to share these memories with him but with Ziva it felt right, Tony trusted her with his life. Ziva would hopefully understand what it means for him to share this with her. Tony hopes were high for tonight, he was going to make sure Ziva had a great night. He decided to wear comfortable but nice clothes, one of his new jeans and a dark blue shirt he liked.

At exactly 7:45pm Tony arrived at Ziva's place, thirty seconds later Ziva opened her door. Ziva was looking absolutely beautiful, she wore a simple but elegant dark green dress that came just above her knees and showed her figure perfectly. Her hair was woven in a half French braid and a little make-up was visible on her face. Tony had trouble keeping his eyes from her.

"Hey Tony." Ziva greeted him, a big smile on her face.

"Hey Ziva you look wonderful." Tony spoke, smiling as well.

Ziva started to blush and was slightly thrown off, how was it possible that Tony could make her feel like a completely different woman. When she was around him she felt appreciated and respected, it was a very nice feeling. She was lucky to have him in her life!

"Thank you Tony, you're looking quite handsome yourself." Ziva answered and it was the truth. Tony looked very good when he wore a suit at work. But it was refreshing to see him in more casual clothes, he looked lighter in them, more carefree.

"Ready to go Ziva?"

"I am, were are we going?"

"Someone is a little impatience." Tony stated.

"I do not like surprises, you know that Tony." Ziva replied looking Tony directly in the eyes.

"Yes I know Zi but I hope you will like this one."

"Without a doubt, I trust you!" Ziva said while giving Tony an honest smile.

"Great, oh before I forget this is for you." Tony said while giving her a single rose.

Ziva was a little bit overwhelmed by everything. It was very pleasant to be treated like this, like you are important to someone else. She was definitely not used to all of it, Ziva had dated many men before but most of the time it was in regard of a mission. So to gain their trust and the needed information she would sleep with them when necessary, romance and dating was not included in that plan. Even when she was in a relationship with Michael and later Ray it wasn't all that bride and shiny.

Tony saw the doubt reflecting in Ziva's eyes, had it been too much too soon? She was looking at the floor, avoiding his eyes. This is where the past interfered he thought, both of them had commitment issues as a result of their pasts. But Tony wouldn't let her withdraw from him, not tonight.

"Hé Ziva can you look at me?"

Ziva was not sure she could look at Tony, she felt kind of emotional at the moment. Moments from the past were flashing through her mind, she knew Tony was not like those other men but opening your heart to someone is never very easy, even more difficult because of her past. But Ziva was determined not to let her fears come between them tonight and spoke:

"Thank you Tony, all of this is really sweet."

"You deserve the best Ziva." Tony answered her honestly.

"Come on it's time to go or we will be late."

Tony and Ziva rode in a comfortable silence both lost in their own thoughts, the hopes for tonight were high on both sides. They agreed to take things slow but going on a first date is a big step no matter how the circumstances are. Twenty minutes later they arrived at their destination, the movie theatre. Ziva first thought was seriously Tony another movie? Tony on the other hand was starting to get nervous, this is it he thought. He exited his car and opened Ziva door like a gentlemen, even extending his hand to her. Even is Ziva was perfectly able to get out of the car by herself she took Tony's hand, knowing all of this was a big deal for him as well.

"Are we going to watch a movie Tony?" Ziva asked a bit unsure about his plans for tonight.

"Yes we are sweet cheeks, come on!" Tony responded, tugging her hand to indicate her to follow him toward the entrance. His typical DiNozzo grin still plastered on his face.

A couple of minutes later they entered a small room with only about twenty seats and of course a big screen, popcorn and soda in hand. Ziva was confused, she thought the bioscope would be much bigger. Tony guided her toward two seats in the back of the room.

"Why are we here Tony, I thought it would be much bigger? Which movie are we going to watch?" Ziva shouted question after question, doubtless about why they where here all alone.

"Whoho little ninja relax, this is supposed to be a calm night out, just the two of us. Just wait and see Ziva, try to enjoy it." Tony almost pleaded.

Ziva could sense that Tony wanted this night to go smoothly and that she was ruining it by asking all those question. I seriously need to be more patient, Ziva thought.

"Sorry, I am not good with surprises that is all but I will enjoy myself, how could it be any different you are already here with me." That last sentence escaped Ziva's mouth before she knew it but she didn't mind, it was after all the truth.

Tony was very delighted by Ziva's comment, it was obvious by her facial expression that she hadn't meant for the words to come out but it was clear she didn't mind. Otherwise she would have said something right? He hoped she would love what he had planned or else he had no idea how to handle the situation.

"I like it too, being here with you I mean." Tony answered. It didn't went unnoticed by Ziva that a slight blush was visible on his cheeks but she thought it was charming seeing him so open.

They waited in silence, each lost in their own thought, till the movie started. It was Tony who took Ziva's hand after a while and squeezed it lightly. Ziva looked Tony in the eyes, a smile visible on her face and squeezed his hand back. Letting him now that is was okay of him to take her hand. Suddenly the screen light up and the movie started, it was only after a couple of minutes that Ziva started to recognize the movie. A light sig of surprise escaped her throat.

"Tony…" Was all Ziva could manage to say.

Tony had no idea if the way Ziva reacted was positive or negative and a feeling of uncertainty aroused within him. Meanwhile Ziva was taken aback by Tony's choice of movie, was he willing the share such a bittersweet moment with her? I was Tony who spoke first:

"You only read the book so I thought you should see the movie as well, you know?"

Ziva knew Tony was hiding his feelings again by making a silly comment about it but she would not let him get away with it so easily. Had he any idea how touched Ziva was by letting her in on something so personal to him? She knew it was the last movie he had seen together with his mother, later he had told her he never had found the strength to watch the movie again. Ziva was planning on letting him know how grateful she was to bring her to this place, she gently squeezed his hand urging him to look at her.

"Thank you Tony this is wonderful, it is true I have never before saw 'The Little Prince'. Thank you for sharing this with me, it must not be easy." Ziva whispered.

All Tony could do was give her a shy smile, one Ziva was not very familiar with. A few seconds later Ziva placed her head on his shoulder and they continued watching the movie in silence.  
When the movie ended the lights came back on and Ziva could see that Tony's eyes were shimmering with tears, seeing him like this made Ziva's heart ache. Seeing the movie again for the first time in such a long time must bring back memories for him. She gently placed a light kiss on his cheek.

"Are you okay Tony?" She whispered urging him to look at her.

"Yes I am Ziva, I had no idea it would bring back so much memories from the last time I saw the movie that's all." Tony whispered back, blinking with his eyes to make the tears go away.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ziva asked him tentatively knowing it's difficult to recall the past.

"Not really." Tony shrugged.

"That is fine." Ziva responded with a small smile. She would like to be able to take his pain away, she was not used to see Tony this vulnerable. At work he behaved himself like the biggest class-clown in town most of the time, she knows he is an excellent investigator but he always hides his real feelings behind jokes and movie references. Only this last year, the whole post-elevator-us, and in particular these last few weeks she had begin to see the Tony behind all these masks. And it truly hurts her to see him in so much pain. It was Tony who interrupted Ziva thoughts:

"It's only 10pm if you like we can go back to your place and go for a walk before I go home? What do you think?"

"Yes I would like that Tony." Ziva answered.

"Okay let's go then." Tony announced while taking Ziva's hand and leading them toward the exit.

The drive back was silent. 'The Little Prince' is really a beautiful movie, Ziva thought. Tony on the other hand was relieved Ziva liked the movie, it was probably different than any other date she had been to but he wanted to make it a special occasion for the both of them. Tony parked his car at Ziva's apartment, got out and opened Ziva's door.

"Thank you Tony."

It was Ziva who took Tony's hand in hers and together they walked toward the park, the sun was slowly starting to go down. They made their way toward a bench.

"Did you like it Ziva? It was probably not what you expected but I hope…"

Tony couldn't finish his sentence, Ziva wanted to make sure Tony knew she loved what he had done for them.

"I loved it Tony, do not worry it was perfect."

Tony was smiling wildly due to her answer. "Glad you liked it Zi."

Ziva snuggled closer to Tony and intertwined their hands. They stayed like that for a long time, only when it was practically dark outside they made their way back to Ziva's apartment. When they were in front of Ziva's door Tony planned to say good night but apparently Ziva had others plans in mind:

"Tony… It probably sounds stupid and I should not be this weak but would you like to stay over?"

Tony had not expected that question at all but he wanted to do things the right way with her, it was after all only their first date.

"First of all Ziva it's not weak! But… I want to do this, _waving between them_, the right way. Don't get me wrong it would like to stay over but normally the guy just get the woman home safely, not staying over on the first date."

Ziva was touched that Tony wanted to do the right thing and be a completely gentlemen but she didn't want to be alone tonight.

"Since when do we do things the normal way DiNozzo?" Ziva smirked.

"Yea I know Ziva." Tony answered while smiling because she was absolutely right, doing things like it's supposed to be it not their thing.

"Tony I do not want to be alone tonight." Ziva told him honestly, her voice giving away that she felt very emotional.

"And it is not like we never slept in the same bed before." She added.

"I can't argue with that." Tony answered, secretly happy to be not alone tonight, it had been an emotional today. He was happy Ziva liked the date he had planned for them but it was still hard.

"I think I still have my bag in the car, I will be right back."

Within two minutes Tony was back, bag in hand. The two made their way toward Ziva's bedroom, both preparing themselves for the night. They crawled under the covers, facing each other.

"Thank you Tony for tonight, it is really a beautiful movie."

"Does that mean you want to go out on a second date with me David?" Tony asked with a playful voice.

"I do not know yet, have to think about that." Ziva responded picking up Tony's playful mood.

"Yea thanks, that's the way to bring down someone confidence Ziva."

Ziva hid Tony on the arm. "I was just joking Tony, I would be love to go on a second date with you."

This brought the smile back on Tony's face. "Thank you Ziva, good night." Tony said and placed a small kiss on Ziva's forehead.

Ziva smiled at Tony, she truly felt safe in his company. "Good night Tony."

Both happy about the days event, they quickly drifted into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

**I would like to thank the people who wrote a review, it's nice to hear your opinion!  
Like always reviews are more than welcome! Enjoy the rest of the weekend!**

**I.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey!  
Next chapter is up, thank you all for reading!**

******Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 12:

The following morning it was Ziva who woke up first, surprised that she had slept through the whole night. These last few weeks the nightmares and memories kept her from a full night of needed sleep but right now she felt re-energized. Last evening had been incredible, Tony had surprised her by sharing such a personal memory with her. Then they had enjoyed walking through the park and sitting close to each other. After that Ziva had found the courage to ask Tony to stay over and now they lay in the same bed. It doesn't feel awkward at all, Ziva thought, she felt safe and calm being this close to him.

Tony was currently sleeping on his stomach, his legs and arms spread away from his body. He looked quite cute, Ziva thought, but no way she was ever going to mention that to Tony. His face was also clear from any worry and that was definitely something nice to see. Last night after the movie ended Ziva had seen so many hurt upon his face and it was hard to see Tony struggling with his feelings. He always kept everything to himself but sometimes it was eating him from the inside out. After they had visit the graveyard there were many questions Ziva would like to ask Tony, some of them more easily than others. But she would give him space and time, Tony would talk to her when he was ready. But there was one question that she was going to ask him, it would be difficult but she needed to know the answer.

At that moment Tony's eyes fluttered open and yawn escaping his throat. At first Tony was slightly confused, he was not sleeping in his own bed and there was someone beside him. But then he remembered everything, his date with Ziva and she asking him to stay over at her place. A huge smile appeared on his face.

"Good morning my ninja." Tony spoke, his voice thick with sleep while rolling over on his side facing Ziva.

Ziva sent him a smile, she secretly loved it when Tony called her his ninja. "Good morning Tony, sleep well?"

"Yes I did, thank you. You?"

"Me too." This time a sad smile was on her face.

Tony noticed this instantly, he crept closer toward her and slowly placed a hand around her waist.

"What's wrong Zi?" He asked.

"Nothing…"

"Ziva." Tony said, his tone telling her to be honest with him.

"No Tony it is not something bad, I slept well." Ziva answered trying to give him a smile but failing.

"No nightmares?" Tony asked.

How was it possible that he knew I still have nightmares, Ziva thought? But yea this was Tony after all, there was not a lot that escaped his attention when it came to her.

'How do you…?" Ziva stuttered.

"I know you Ziva and even if you don't want to talk about it your eyes won't shut up. It's okay, your secret is safe with me." Tony answered trying to lighting up the mood.

"Thank you." Was all Ziva could respond.

The two of them lied in that position for a couple more minutes, Tony's arm still wrapped around Ziva's waist. Letting their eyes speak for them, words were not necessary to let the other know that they had each other back. It was Ziva who broke the silence:

"Tony can I ask you something?"

"Yea you can Ziva."

"You will not like it…" Ziva said.

"In that case… no just joking, shout Ziva." Tony answered, a grin plastered on his face.

"Can I ask you how you mother died?"

Tony was shocked by Ziva's question, he had not seen that one coming.

"Ohh Ziva…" Was all Tony said, a deep sigh escaping his throat. What should he tell her? The truth or just trying to chance the subject… "Pfffff…"

Ziva gave Tony all the time he needed to make up his mind and give him the space he needed, she simply squeezed his hand letting him know she was here for him. After a while Tony cleared his throat.

"She… My mom tried to kill herself but… but we found her and brought her to the hospital. She died four days later because of…" Tony couldn't find the words anymore, his voice was filled with tears. His was trying so hard to keep his emotions in check but memories from that day attacked his brain. Tony tried to slow down his breathing...

Ziva was utterly shocked by Tony's revelation about his mother's dead. Back in the beginning she had read Tony's file for Ari but in only mentioned Tony's mothers died, she always assumed it was because of cancer or an other terrible disease. But suicide had never crossed Ziva's mind, from experience she knows it's difficult as a child to lose your mother at a young age because of an illness. But how do you explain to a child that him/her mother or father killed them self because he/she was tired of living? It was absolutely killing her to see Tony like this, he was trying so hard to keep his emotions inside but it was hurting him and she knew it. Ziva knew Tony doesn't like to show his feelings but she desperately wanted to comfort him. She gently placed her hand on his back, making soothing circles up and down.

Tony felt like he needed to escape, the last time someone had seen him in this kind of state… He couldn't remember, it was a very long time ago. But he had promised Ziva a couple of days ago not to run away. A silent sob escaped his throat.

"Let it out Tony…" Ziva whispered in Tony' ear.

"I… I can't." Tony spoke trying to keep his tears at bay but failing.

"Yes you can Tony, I am not going to think any less of you. You have been there for me so many times these last couple of weeks, now it is my turn to have your back. You cannot keep everything inside Tony, it is not healthy. I have got you."

At these words Tony broke town, he loosened his grips on Ziva's waist and buried his face in his pillow, his hands beneath the pillow, loud sobs escaping his throat. Ziva was overwhelmed with tears herself and began stroking his head and back gently, whispering soothing words to him.

Tony was not going to let Ziva see his tears no way but grief overwhelmed him and tears rolled down his cheeks freely. He did what he thought was best, hiding his face in his pillow. But Ziva was there to comfort him, that action alone brought more tears in his eyes and he started to lose control over his emotions.

"It is going to be okay Tony, just let it all out. I have got you." Ziva continued to whisper, her voice filled with tears herself.

After a long time Tony turned around and faced Ziva, wiping away his tears.

"This is not how I thought this morning would go." Tony murmured his voice harsh from crying.

"Me neither." Ziva answered sitting up against the headboard, Tony imitating her actions.

Even if it was only morning Tony felt exhausted…

"Pfff…"

"Are you okay a little bit?" Ziva asked taking Tony's hand in hers.

"Yea… I just had not expect you to ask me that. My head is a mess right now having no work, Gibbs, just everything, …"

"I know…" Ziva answered squeezing his hand.

"Thank you Ziva and sorry."

"You are more than welcome and you do not have to be sorry Tony."

"I am a DiNozzo, we DiNozzo's don't cry Zi." Tony stated his voice still harsh.

"Do you really believe that Tony?"

"I guess so, Senior always told me that. I think over the years it have start to believe it." Tony answered honestly.

"Than I think your father is wrong."

"Maybe…" Answered closing his eyes.

"You know no one has ever asked me that question before." Tony started. "I guess I was not prepared for it, I didn't mean to cry like that, sorry."

"Stop apologizing Tony, there is nothing to be sorry about. Why do you never talk about your mother?" Ziva asked with some hesitation.

Tony shrugged. "It isn't something pleasant Ziva, so I just never mentioned it."

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know Ziva and that goes both ways, you can talk to me as well."

"I know…" Ziva responded giving Tony's hand a squeeze.

"I loved her so much." Tony whispered after a while. "I still do…"

After Tony said this Ziva placed her head on his shoulder a single tear escaping her eye. She knew how Tony must feel, she had lost her mother at a young age as well. She had never talked about it with anyone other than her family but at least she had still her siblings and father, from time to time, to return to. Tony had been on his own, he had told her back in the beginning that when he turned twelve his father had disowned him. Knowing Senior now she couldn't understand how he could do that to his son at such a young age. Tony had become a great man but that was not because of his father.

"Your mother would be proud of you Tony." Ziva said in a low voice.

At that Tony placed his arm around Ziva's waist, keeping her close.

"I think we already had enough drama for today Ziva, lets do something fun. We can do some sightseeing, just hang out. What do you think?"

"Sounds like a good idea, I will make us some breakfast, you can you take a shower if you want."

"I would like that." Tony answered while getting up. Ziva followed his actions and stood in front of him.

"Are you okay?" She asked tentatively.

"I am okay Ziva." Tony answered placing a light kiss on her forehead, just like last night.

Each made their way toward their destination, eager to start the rest of the day. Today already had been emotionally exhausted, they needed some fun!

* * *

**Like always reviews are more than welcome! I would like to hear your opinion about the story, it's important to me. So please review, thank you!**

**I.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everybody!  
New chapter is up, thank you all for reading! Enjoy!**

**********Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 13:

That day Tony and Ziva spend the whole day having fun together. They visited some museums, did some sightseeing and to end the day they had dinner in a nice restaurant. Ziva had a great time, she never before had lots of time to discover the beautiful city she lived in. Work always took priority but now she finally found the time, not having a job for some time was not all that bad, she thought. Tony had been wonderful company, he knew lots of little random facts about many things and she had to admit she quite liked it.

For Tony it had been a long time since he had such an enjoyable day, he loved to spend time with Ziva. She was fun to be around. They had seen many things and he liked to show Ziva around, a bit like her personal guide. At 7pm they both were hungry and decided to spend a nice dinner at that cosy restaurant they had found. The food was absolutely delicious! After dinner Ziva invited Tony over to her place to watch some movies and end the day doing something calm. Just like all the other times recently Ziva placed her head on Tony's shoulder, only this time Tony reciprocate her action by placing his arm around her waist. They simply enjoyed each other company for the time being. At the end of the movie Tony started to get up, he wanted to spend the night at his own place. He needed some time to process the events of this morning. It was easy to forget it happened when they were joking around at some ridiculous painting they saw at the museum but he still needed some space. It had been a very long time since he had shown his emotions so openly but tonight he just longed for some time alone to deal with the emotions.

"Are you already going home Tony, it is only a little before eleven?" Ziva asked when she noticed he was planning to leave.

"I know Ziva but we had a long day, I'm pretty tired."

"You can tell me the truth Tony, you just want to be alone." Ziva stated.

"I'm not breaking my promise Ziva, I'm not running away but yes I need some space. It has nothing to do with you, I just have to clear my head, think some things through." Tony answered honestly, not wanted to give Ziva the wrong impression.

"I understand Tony, I just wish..."

"What?" Tony asked her tentatively, he didn't want her to retreat.

"I wish I could help you somehow, I guess." Ziva whispered.

"Oh Zi you're helping my just by being you, do not ever doubt that. It's like I said I'm not running away from you but I think I just need some time to process everything that happened this morning." Tony responded quickly, letting her know he was not shutting her out.

"I know..." Ziva said avoiding Tony's gaze.

"Hé Ziva." Tony said while placing his hand on her cheek urging her to look at him. "I trust you, you know that right?" Tony waiting untill Ziva nodded.

"Good, I know I can trust you with my problems and all but the things we brought up this morning... I have to deal with them first, before I can share them. Or at least that's what I think." Tony spoke, his voice filled with many emotions.

Ziva knew this morning had brought back many memories and that it was normal Tony wanted some time alone. But she also hoped she could be there for him. But they had decided to take it one step at the time and just like Tony respected these boundaries, so should she.

"You know I am only a phone call or a fifteen minutes drive away hé?" Ziva responded.

"I know." Tony answered, a small laugh escaping his throat. It felled really nice to have someone in your life that care about you this much.

"Thank you Ziva." Tony said after a while, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I will see you soon?" Ziva asked after some hesitation, not wanting a repeat from last time.

Tony knew Ziva was talking about the fact that he ignored her for a couple of days after they visited his mother's grave. He was determined not to make the same mistake twice.

"Yes you will Ziva, maybe... if you want of course we can go to dinner this Saturday. I mean like a date... a dinner date you know. You don't have to but..." At this point Tony was rambling, to make him stop Ziva tenderly placed her hand on his chest.

"I would love to go on a dinner date with you Tony." She answered while smiling.

"Really?" Tony asked the playfulness back in his voice.

"Yes really but don't let it rise to you head DiNozzo." Ziva answered catching up to Tony's playful mood.

"I would be honored Miss David."

"Likewise Mister DiNozzo." Ziva laughed.

"Then I will see you on Saturday, be ready by 7pm." Tony answered making his way toward Ziva's front door.

"Looking forward to it!" Ziva spoke after Tony already left.

** Saturday, June 29 **

Finally Saturday arrived, Ziva thought, time would go so slowly when she wanted something to happen quickly. She was looking forward to tonight, tonight Tony was going to take her on a dinner date. Step by step they were getting closer to each other, these last two days Tony had sent her several text messages saying he couldn't wait till it was Saturday and reassuring her he was okay. Ziva wanted to impress Tony and decided to wear the same dress she wore in Berlin. Even with all the stress of catching Bodnar ect. they had shared a very intimate moment at the bar. He truly was a great dancer, the words from her father kept replaying themself over and over in her mind these last few days _"One day you will dance with a man who deserves your love."_. Perhaps tonight Tony would ask her to dance again, Ziva was definitely going to say yes to his request.

Tonight is going to be a huge step forward between us, Tony thought. He was planning on taking things a little further, probably crossing some boundaries. Tony was crazy about Ziva! He already knew, for a long time, that he was in love with Ziva but spending all this time with her only increased these feelings. It was time to be the men and take the first step, but only if it felt right of course. In exact an hour he was going to pick her up, Tony was filled with excitement!

At exactly 7pm Tony knocked on Ziva's door, a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Hey!" Ziva greeted him, happy to see him. He looked very handsome tonight, Ziva thought.

Tony was dumbfounded by Ziva's beauty, she wore the same dress as in Berlin. She absolutely looked gorgeous!

"You look absolutely stunning Ziva!" Tony exclaimed, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek.

This time it was Ziva who was overwhelmed. Tony had definitely captured a special place in her heart, one word was enough to make her blush.

"Thank you Tony, you look very nice yourself."

At that a laugh escaped Tony's throat. "No one can compete to your beauty Zi, I'm a very lucky guy believe me."

A huge smile appeared on Ziva's face, Tony could always make her feel wanted.

"Thank you!"

"Come on let's go!" Tony said, taking Ziva's hand in his.

The two of them made their way toward the restaurant in a comfortable silence, still holding hands. They arrived twenty minutes later, Tony, the gentlemen he is, opened Ziva's door and together they made their way inside. Both enjoyed the tasty food and simply being there together. After they were done eating Tony took a hold on Ziva's hand, sending her a lovely smile. Tony had chosen this place in particular because there was the opportunity to dance and he was planning on asking Ziva to dance with him again. When a slower song started Tony took matters in hand:

"Ziva would you like to dance with me?"

Ziva was only able to give Tony the biggest smile, happiness filling every nerve of her body. After a few seconds she noticed Tony was still waiting for her answer.

"I would definitely like to dance with you!." Ziva exclaimed.

Tony let Ziva toward the dance floor, once there he gently placed one arm around her waist and the other taking hold of her hand. Ziva on the other hand placed her free hand on Tony's shoulder. They looked affectionately at each other, both knowing the other was remembering the same thing, their shared dance in Berlin. Tony smoothly swayed Ziva over the dance floor, looking directly into her eyes while keeping her very close to him.

Ziva was lost in Tony's eyes, just like the last time. But know she was allowed to let her real feeling show upon her face, they decided to take things slow but she wanted Tony to know how much she appreciated this/him. In the middle of the song Ziva placed her head on Tony's chest, loving the feeling of being so close to him.

"Thank you Tony for all of this." Ziva whispered.

"You're more than welcome Zi, I like having you here with me." Tony answered his voice filled with adoration, pulling her even a little bit closer if that was possible.

"Me too."

At the end of the song both were reluctant to let the other go. Eventually it was Tony who broke their hold, placing a feather light kiss on her forehead.

"I don't want this to end." Ziva whispered, tears welling in her eyes. They had finally, after all these years, decided they wanted something more than friendship and finally she was ready to open her heart to him. But Ziva was so scared at the same time, she didn't want to lose him. All the people she loved usually ended up dead...

"Hé, you know this is only the beginning..." Tony whispered, seeing the tears pooling in her eyes.

"I do not want to lose you Tony..."

"You won't Ziva, I'm not going anywhere." Tony answered pulling her close to him one last time before they made their way toward their table again.

"Can we go home Tony?" Ziva asked, her voice unsure.

"Yes of course we can, I will bring you home."

"Stay..." Was the only word Ziva whispered.

"I will, there's no place I rather be." Tony responded, taking her hand and leaving the restaurant after paying.

Thirty minutes later they were preparing to go to bed but before going under the covers Tony made his way toward Ziva and squeezed her hands.

"Thank you for tonight Ziva."

Ziva responded by giving Tony a hug and placing a kiss on his cheek.

"No thank you Tony."

At that Tony placed both hands on Ziva's face, looking directly into her eyes.

"Anything for you Ziva." Tony said honestly, his feelings for Ziva visible on his face.

There was so much tension between them but both were unsure about the other wishes at the moment. After a few minutes of intense starring Tony loosened his hold on Ziva and made his way toward "his" side of the bed.

"Good night Tony." Ziva said, smiling while facing Tony.

"Night Zi." This time Tony found the courage and placed a small kiss on Ziva's lips. The sudden contact sent shocks through both of their bodies, overwhelmed with the amazing feeling to be able to share something this beautiful together, finally. Into the kiss Tony felt Ziva smile, this was absolutely the best feeling in the world! The kiss was short but filled with so much passion and love. Afterwards Tony and Ziva kept looking at each other, huge grins on their faces, letting their eyes speak for them. Eventually they fell asleep still smiling...

* * *

**Thank you all for reading!  
****Reviews are still more than welcome, your opinion about the story is important to me! Thank you!**

**I.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey!  
****Here's a new chapter, enjoy!**

**************Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 14:

The next morning it was Tony who woke up first, Ziva was still sleeping peacefully next to him. Yesterday evening had been wonderful but emotional as well, Tony had seen the uncertainty and pain in Ziva's eyes. She had already lost so many people she loved and it was only normal that she felt the way she did. It was difficult for both of them, they were more than prepared to work toward a relationship, but from time to time the past would interfere. But right now Tony didn't care about all of that, last night he had finally kissed Ziva. The kiss was sweet and full of emotions, nothing compared to the last time they had kissed during their undercover mission. Tony was prepared to give her the world if that meant he was able to keep her close for a very very long time.

Twenty minutes later Ziva started to stir and gradually she opened her eyes. Ziva truly felt happy at the moment, she knew they still had lots to work through but Tony had kissed her last night! It was a small kiss but filled with so much passion, it was absolutely wonderful.

"Good morning sweetcheeks." Tony greeted while facing her. He really wanted to kiss her right now but had no idea if Ziva would be okay with it. After all they were still taking things slow.

"Morning." Ziva responded, a tired smile visible on her face.

Both were lost in the others eyes, reliving the events of last night. After a few minutes it was Ziva who came closer and gently kissed Tony on the lips.

"Mmm, I like that." Tony whispered while smiling.

"Me too." Ziva answered kissing him again. A few seconds later they parted, Tony could see the worry beginning to reflect in Ziva's eyes.

"You're okay Zi?" Tony asked his voice gentle and not demanding, placing his arm around her waist loosely.

"What do we do now, how do we…" Ziva whispered suddenly not sure about all of it.

"Okay Ziva I'm going to be completely honest with you…" Tony took a deep breath and start speaking. "I think that you already know that I care about you, a lot. You're so much more than just my best friend but we agreed to take things slow. So we take it one day at the time, no pressure. I want to do this right Ziva, I don't want to screw this up Zi…" Near the end Tony's voice started to drop, Ziva could see that she was not alone with her worries and uncertainties.

"You are not screwing anything up Tony." Ziva responded, placing her hand on his cheek.

"If it's too much too soon you have to tell me Ziva, promise?"

"I promise Tony." Ziva answered, kissing his other cheek. Ziva wanted to tell him that she was in love with him but she couldn't find the words just yet. But for now she was simply happy to be here with him. They lay there closely together for a long time, both enjoying the comfort of the other. It was Tony who broke the comfortable silence:

"What do you want to do today Miss David?"

"Can we just be lazy? Watch some movies, order in some pizza later?" Ziva asked, not really wanted to get up just yet.

"Sounds like a great plan." Tony answered, placing a kiss on her forehead and encircling her in a tight hug.

"Tony… Thank you for yesterday, I had a wonderful evening!" Ziva whispered into Tony's chest.

"You're welcome Zi, if you want I can get us some breakfast?"

"Later…"

"I didn't know you like to cuddle Ziva, you keep surprising me time after time!" Tony smirked.

"Well you are a very good cuddlier Tony." Ziva answered, her voice light and full of joy. It felt nice to be here with Tony, it's were she wanted to be.

Tony and Ziva stayed in bed a little longer but eventually they got up and dressed up for the day. Tony got them some breakfast and they started their day filled with watching movies. When the evening came Ziva started to get a bit restless. She wanted Tony to stay over but maybe that was pushing her luck. Tony sensed Ziva's change in behaviour and was planning on asking her what was wrong. At the end of their fifth movie Tony squeezed her hand, wanted to get her attention.

"Ziva what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"Nothing, I am fine Tony."

"Ziva stop telling me you're fine when you're not. I want us to be honest with each other…" Tony responded a bit harsh, not happy with her answer.

"I know but I am fine Tony, I just…"

"What Zi?" Tony asked gently pulling her closer toward him on the couch.

"I would like you to stay here tonight but maybe…"

"I like being around you Ziva so I would like to stay here." Tony responded, kissing her temple.

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for everything Ziva, I benefit from it as well you know." Tony answered while smiling.

"I know…" Ziva said, placing both of her hands on either side of his face and kissing him on the lips.

"I definitely can get use to this." Tony spoke, his typical DiNozzo grin plastered on his face.

When Ziva didn't respond and refused to look at him, Tony started to get worried…

"Did I say something wrong Ziva?" Tony asked tentatively.

"No you did not Tony but we need to take this, the intimate stuff, slowly. I am not used to all of it." ZIva whispered.

"What do you mean Ziva? I'm not going to push you into things you're not comfortable with you know that right?" Tony asked, taking her hand in his.

"I know Tony and I thrust you but my record with men had been anything but good." Ziva answered, placing her other hand on his chest facing him.

"I know and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, you did not deserve any of that."

"Don't be Tony, it is not your fault. I just have to learn how to trust you with… you know…" ZIva trailed off.

"Your body?" Tony whispered.

"Yes…"

"Can I ask you something Zi?" Tony asked after kissing her hand he was holding.

"Yes you can Tony."

"Don't get me wrong Ziva but why can't you trust me with that? I don't want to insult you or anything like that and I know we're not even ready for that kind of stuff but I'm a bit confused here?" Tony asked her cautiously not wanting to insult her in any way.

Ziva was not surprised by his question but what was she supposed to tell him. She was not ready to share memories involving the source of her insecurities but she wanted to be honest with Tony, he deserved that.

"I am not ready to share some things with you just yet Tony but to answer your question… Ray and I we had kind of a long distant relationship, we never really had sex and Adam was just easy but not very pleasant… A lot of things changed since Rivkin, many things changed and I am not ready..." Ziva whispered, very self-conscious and refusing to make eyes-contact.

"Ziva." Tony spoke, urging her to look up. When she didn't respond Tony gently placed her hand on her cheek and lifted her face up to meet his eyes.

"Ziva would you please look at me?" After a while Ziva looked Tony in the eyes.

"One day at the time Ziva remember that, you don't have to tell me anything you're not ready for. And I will never ever hurt you! Never!" Tony quietly spoke wanting to make sure Ziva understand him.

"I know Tony, sometimes I just wish…" Ziva couldn't find the words anymore, all the emotions and feelings she kept hidden deep inside herself came to the surface all at once. Ziva tried really hard to keep the tears from falling down. Tony just gently strokes her cheek, giving her all the time she needed to continue.

"Some terrible things happened in Somalia Tony and I…" A silent sob escaped Ziva's throat.

Ziva's was trying so hard to keep everything inside but she failed, Tony enveloped her in a gentle hug not wanting to cross any boundaries. "It's okay to cry Ziva, I can't imaging what you've been through but I'm here for whatever you need."

"I know." Ziva whispered between the sobs, keeping Tony close.

"I really wish I died back then, I didn't want to live anymore." Ziva whispered after a while.

Tony had no idea how to respond to that, so he just kept her a little tighter letting her know he was there. After a long time Ziva loosened her grip on Tony and wiped her eyes.

"Sorry but I am going to take a shower and then go to bed, I am tired." Ziva spoke her voice still filled with tears.

"Of course Zi take your time, I can go home if you want some space?" Tony asked her tenderly, brushing away the last tracks of her tears with his thumb.

"No I would like you to stay." Ziva responded. It was strange seeing Ziva this vulnerable and it hurts Tony to know that there was so much pain hidden deep inside her. He wish he could protect her from everything that ever happened to her but knew that was impossible…

"Okay then I'm right here." He answered, taking her hands and helping her up.

"I will put everything back in order and lock up everything, you take your time." Tony spoke, placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Thank you." Ziva murmured, making her way toward the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later Ziva emerged from the bathroom PJs on, her eyes still red from crying. She crawled under the cover next to Tony, who already lay in bed.

"Hé." Tony said. He decided not to cross any boundaries and keep his distant, not wanting to intrude her personal space. Ziva sensed he was keeping his distant but she needed his physical presence right now. Even with all the stuff she experienced, she trusted Tony without any doubt. She crept closer toward him and placed her head on his chest.

"Hold me please?" Ziva pleaded, her voice small and vulnerable. Tony was taken aback by her request, this was not the strong ninja he knows. But he was glad she trusted him enough to show him her vulnerable side.

"I'm right here Ziva, I'm not going anywhere." Tony whispered in Ziva's ear, placing one arm around her waist, the other stroking her back up and down.

"Try to get some sleep Zi." Tony said, placing several kisses on top of her head.

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**Thank you all for reading, please keep reviewing!**

**I.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello everybody!  
Here is a new chapter, enjoy!  
I received some wonderful reviews thank you so much! It's so nice to hear what you're thinking about the story, please keep reviewing! It makes me very happy!  
Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoy the story!**

**********Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

_Previously:_

_"Hold me please?" Ziva pleaded, her voice small and vulnerable. Tony was taken aback by her request, this was not the strong ninja he knows. But he was glad she trusted him enough to show him her vulnerable side._

_"I'm right here Ziva, I'm not going anywhere." Tony whispered in Ziva's ear, placing one arm around her waist, the other stroking her back up and down._

_"Try to get some sleep Zi." Tony said, placing several kisses on top of her head._

Chapter 15:

Only a few hours later an intense nightmare disturbed Ziva's peaceful sleep, Tony woke up seconds later hearing Ziva whimper in her sleep. She was sweating heavily and fearful words escaped her throat…

_..._

_That day it was the third time that they came back for more… Ziva was hurting all over her body but the ache between her legs was starting to get unbearable. She could deal with the beating and torturing, she's been trained for that, but the constant sexual abuse over the last month and a half was starting to take its toll on her body. They never gave her body time to heal between the abuses, even with all the bleeding she experienced Saleem and his men would come back and continue to violate her… _

_Ziva wished everyday that it would be her last, she was ready to die. She longed for the torture to be over once and for all. But they would always give her just enough food to survive. How long would she be here? When she heard footsteps come closer and closer she prepared herself for what was coming. After being held as a prisoner for two months all Ziva's strength was gone, but god she had fought them off. But right now the only thing she could do was keep still and hope it would be over soon…_

_This time it was only Saleem who entered her cell, Ziva knew that meant it would be less painful physically but more painful emotionally. He was the only one who was allowed to rape her orally… It was absolutely awful and horrible. Ziva hoped that one day they would simply gave up or get tired of her and end her suffer. Saleem showed no mercy at all, he took her hard and had pleasure taking away the little dignity that was left. Tears made their way down her cheeks after he was done with her. When would this horror finally stop?_

_..._

Ziva was completely captured by the nightmare, the few things she told Tony last night were enough to trigger major recollections from her time in Somalia. Tony was at a loss what to do, she was still laying with her head on his chest but her face was full of pain. Tony gently began to whisper sweet nothings in her ear, hoping she would wake up. Only after calling her name a few times and shaking her body gently Ziva woke up with a start, gasping for air. She immediately removed herself from Tony, sitting upright and putting a lot of distant between them.

"Ziva." Tony calmly spoke to her after a few minutes. "Can I come closer?"

A few minutes later when her breathing became normal again and the remains of the nightmare slowly faded away Ziva nodded. Tony came a little closer and gently placed his hand on her back, only to notice that her clothes were dragged in sweat.

"Do you want to talk about it Ziva?"

"No…" Ziva whispered.

"That's okay." Tony answered giving her a small smile. "I will get you some clean clothes." With that Tony made his way toward Ziva's closet and selected a new pyjamas. He slowly moved toward Ziva, trying not to startle her and handed her the clothes.

"I will make you some tea."

"Thank you."

Five minutes later Tony emerged in Ziva's bedroom, carrying a cup of tea. Ziva was chanced in her clean PJs and was sitting against the headboard.

"Here you go Zi."

"Thank you."

"No problem Ziva." Tony answered, sitting down next to her but keeping his distant.

"Sorry that I woke you up Tony." Ziva spoke.

"Don't be, are you okay?"

"Not really I guess…" Ziva answered, looking up for the first time.

Tony could see the tears in her eyes, there was so much pain written in them. He wishes he knew how to take away her pain.

"Somalia?" Tony whispered.

Ziva only nodded. "I wish I died back then…" Ziva told him, her voice lanced with tears.

"Do not say that Ziva, I cannot imagine what you've been through and I certainly do not except you to be over it but like I told you before, I couldn't live without you and I still can't." Tony told her, taking her hand in his and intertwined their fingers.

Ziva only response was to lay her head on Tony's shoulder.

"I am scared to go back to sleep." Ziva whispered after a while.

Tony was surprised by Ziva's answer, it was rare that she spoke so openly about her feelings but he was glad she trusted him. He didn't know how to help her, keeping her close for the rest of the night was probably not the right move. She most likely relived some intense moments of Somalia, where being touched was definitely not a nice thing. She didn't need any more triggers.

"What can I do Ziva?" Tony asked her, his voice filled with worry.

"I do not know, I am not used to having you here when I wake up in the middle of the night." Ziva answered honestly. "Not that I mind Tony, do not get me wrong." Ziva added after seeing the change in Tony's demeanour.

"I understand, don't worry about it. What do you normally do when it happens?"

"Stay up for the rest of the night and go for a long run early in the morning." Ziva whispered.

"We can do that, we can do whatever you want Ziva." Tony responded, giving her hand a squeeze.

"Mmm, okay."

The two of them stayed in that position for a long time, both lost in their own thoughts. After a long time, a little before five am, Ziva started to get up.

"I am sorry for my behaviour Tony. You do not have to stay here, you are probably tired." Ziva spoke, ashamed that Tony had seen her emotional too many times these last few weeks.

"No Ziva, don't shut me out right now!" Tony cried standing in front of Ziva now. "I have no idea what you're going through but I have your back, I will always have your back no matter what happens. We had a great time yesterday and I love spending time with you. I know we both have our own problems and insecurities but I'm willing to fight for us. I'm not blind Zi, I know you still experience a lot of nightmares and I hate to see you go through them and I wish I could help you somehow… But you have to let me in Ziva, I cannot do this on my own."

Ziva was dumbfounded by Tony's speech and honesty, why was he able to see right through all her masks? Ziva knew she cared a lot about Tony but she couldn't find the words yet to explain what she was feeling. She did what she thought was best and hugged him tightly. Tony didn't immediately responded so Ziva only held him closer. After a few long minutes Ziva spoke:

"I cannot find the words just yet how to explain to you what I am thinking or what I feel but I know I am willing to fight for us as well. But that does not mean I am ready to share everything with you. You promised me there would be no pressure but right now it is too much too soon."

After hearing these words Tony loosened his grip on Ziva. "I'm sorry if you feel this way, I promised you there would be no pressure, sorry. I just want you to know I'm here for you Ziva."

"I know Tony and I really appreciate that but I am so confused. I want to tell you some things but I have no idea where to start…" Ziva answered looking down, feeling very exposed at the moment.

"Hé Zi." Tony spoke placing one hand on her cheek, urging her to look him in the eyes so she could see he was being honest. "We will take it slow Ziva, you can start with whatever you're comfortable with. And if you're not ready then I'm okay with that as well, just don't run away. Please…"

A lonely tear made its way down her cheek, Tony was fast to brush it away with his thumb. He gently kissed her forehead, pulling her closer toward him.

"I am so confused…" Ziva whispered in Tony's chest.

"It's going to be alright Zi."

"I think I will get dressed and go running for a while, I need to clean my head. You can stay here and get some sleep, I will bring back some breakfast afterward." Ziva spoke.

"Do you want me to come Ziva?" Tony asked her gently, still keeping his arms around her.

"I would like to go alone Tony." Ziva answered placing both of her hands on his cheeks and kissing his lips softly. After they parted Ziva whispered against his lips: "I am not running away Tony but I need some space right now. I want you to know I care about you too and that I am grateful for everything you have done lately."

"Your more than welcome Ziva and I understand." Tony spoke, kissing her again.

"Thank you! Now you back to bed, I will see you later."

With that said Ziva took some sportswear and made her way toward the bathroom. Five minutes later she emerged and re-entered her bedroom only to find Tony already back to sleep. She gently placed a kiss on his cheek and exited her apartment.

* * *

The next two weeks Ziva and Tony spend a lot of their time together, mostly at Ziva's apartment because of the double bed she owned. Little by little they got more and more comfortable sharing each other space. They had kissed a lot these days, some of the kisses more passionate than others.  
That morning Tony woke up first with Ziva's head laying on his chest. This position became their little routine these last two weeks. Some night Ziva's sleep would be disturbed by a nightmare but Tony was always by her side. He has been absolutely perfect! Tony would respect her boundaries but always make sure that she knew he was there for her. Tony gently stroked Ziva's back up and down, keeping her close to him. Only a few minutes later her eyes fluttered open.

"Good morning." Ziva whispered, her voice thick with sleep while cuddling even more into Tony's side.

"Good morning sweetcheeks!" Tony answered placing a light kiss on top of her head.

Both were lost in the comfort the other was providing. After a while Tony broke the comfortable silence:

"Ziva?"

"Mmmm yes?"

"Am I your boyfriend now?" Tony asked her tentatively, a bit unsure what her answer would be.

"I guess you are." Ziva answered while smiling. She loved it when Tony was so uncertain about some things, it was quite cute.

"I like that." Tony responded, a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Me too." Ziva whispered, kissing Tony on the lips. The kiss quickly deepened and Tony smoothly traced Ziva's lower lip asking for entrance, which Ziva gladly allowed. Soon their tongues were dancing together, simply enjoying the taste of the other. Ziva's hands found their way in Tony's hair while Tony's hand roamed Ziva's back and sides. They were still taking things slow but being so close together felled absolutely right.

"I'm so happy to be here with you Zi!" Tony whispered against Ziva's lips, breathing heavily due to their make out session.

A light laugh escaped Ziva's throat, it felled so good being here with Tony. Ziva never thought she would even feel that way, two months and a half things spiralled out of control. They handed in their badges, Gibbs left but now Ziva felt truly happy. Not everything was how she hoped it would be, she missed Gibbs so much but she had high hoped that everything would turn out just fine. Tony had been amazing through all of it, he was always by her side and gradually they had taken things further. And now, after so many years, she could finally call him her boyfriend. It felt just perfect! Throughout these last two weeks Ziva felt stronger and she now knew she was finally able to tell him how she feels.

"Me too Tony, you have no idea how much I am in love with you." Ziva exclaimed, looking Tony directly in the eyes.

A huge smile appeared on Tony's face, he flipped them over in bed and gently attacked Ziva's face with kisses. Both were laughing happily.

"I think I have a pretty good idea how you feel Ziva, I'm crazy in love with you too!" Tony responded between two kisses.

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**Like always keep reviewing, I like it!  
Last Wednesday I started College so I will probably have less time to write. But I will keep posting a new chapter every week, even two a week when I got enough time. You can always tell me what you would like to happen in the future. Thank you and enjoy your Sunday!**

**Ine**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello!  
Here is a new chapter, enjoy!  
Thank you all for reading!**

**************Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 16:

_ Middle of August _

During the last two weeks Ziva and Tony spend some much needed time with their little adopted family, simply enjoying being in the company of their beloved friends. Together they had decided it was finally time to tell them they were officially a couple for a little over a month now! Abby had been completely thrilled that Ziva and Tony finally found their way toward each other and told them it was long overdue. She was so happy for the both of them, McGee, Ducky, and Palmer were more than content as well. They all knew it was only a matter of time before Ziva and Tony would finally admit their true feelings toward each other. None of them could be happier for them, they truly deserved to be happy together after all they went through! That night they all spend the evening at a cosy café, telling each other stories about everything that happened the last couple of weeks. At 11 pm it was Ducky who left first, he was started to get tired. Soon after that they all made their way to their respective homes with the promise that they would see each other soon.

A little after 12pm Ziva and Tony arrived at Ziva's apartment, both satisfied with how things went. All of their friends were really glad that they were a couple and told them multiple times it was time they finally got their act together.

"I am glad they know about us." Ziva said after they entered her apartment.

"Yea me too, they seemed happy for us." Tony responded, taking Ziva in his arms.

"Hmmm." Ziva mumbled into Tony's chest, hugging him closely. "Thank you Tony."

"For what Ziva?" Tony asked her lovely.

"Just for being you, for being here, thank you for everything." Ziva whispered after placing a light kiss on his jaw.

"You know there's no place I would rather be." Tony answered honestly, looking directly into her eyes.

"I know…"

"What's on your mind Zi?" Tony asked her gently.

"It is not important, come on time to go to bed." Ziva spoke trying to change the subject and leading Tony toward the bedroom.

"You can tell me Ziva." Tony spoke after a while when they had changed their clothes.

"I know…" Ziva said, sitting down on the bed and patting the place next to her indicating Tony to come and sit next to her. She took his hand in hers and placed a small kiss on his knuckles.

"Tony… Are you okay with how thing are going between us?"

"What, what do you mean Ziva?" Tony responded his voice giving away he was worried about where this conversation was going.

"Do not worry Tony, I am in this for a very long time if you are of course."

"Of course I am, you don't have to doubt that." Tony quickly responded.

"I know Tony but let me finish please. We agreed on taking things slow but are you okay with that?" Ziva whispered.

"What you mean Ziva is that if I'm okay that we had not slept together yet, yes?" Tony spoke, squeezing Ziva's hand.

"Yes, I know we are…"

"Ziva look at me, I not going to lie to you. You're a very beautiful and attractive woman but I want to do this right, I know you're not ready and I am truly okay with that. I don't care how long it takes, you're worth everything to me Ziva." Tony told her honestly, placing both hands on her cheeks.

"Tony I…" Ziva started, tears glistering in her eyes. "I am not beautiful, I have been used for a very long time, there are…" Her voice sounding small and fragile.

"Yes you are Ziva inside and out!" Tony interrupted. "I'm not naïve Zi, I don't know what they did to go but I saw the look in your eyes when we found you in the dessert. But we're here now and I'm not going anywhere, I will tell you a thousand times if that what it takes to make you believe it."

"But you have not seen it yet, how can you say something like that?" Ziva answered after a while, her voice very unsure.

"Because I know you Ziva." Tony simply stated.

There was a long silence between them, neither of them knowing what to say. In the end it was Tony who eventually spoke:

"We've got time Ziva, there's no rush. And besides I love kissing you whenever I can." A smile appearing on both of their faces.

"Me too! I just wish it would be easier…"

"I understand." Tony said, moving closer and giving her a hug.

"Zi can I ask you something?" Tony whispered into Ziva's hear.

"Yes Tony you can."

"You may not like it but you told me Adam was easy but unpleasant, what did you mean by that? Don't get me wrong Ziva, I know I have no right to be angry or jealous about it and I'm not believe me. But I just want to know if he hurt you in any way because if he did I'm gonna kill him." Tony spoke, still keeping Ziva close to him.

Ziva froze in Tony's arm, how was she supposed to tell him the truth? It hurts so much to even think about it…

"Zi, you don't have to answer me." Tony whispered after he felt Ziva's reaction.

"No you deserve the truth Tony but it is not nice." Ziva quickly responded.

"Before Adam it had been a very long time since I was intimate with someone willingly. I had a little too much to drink and I just wanted to forget everything that happened. He didn't do anything wrong Tony, it is me… I am not used to having, you know…" Ziva whispered, feeling ashamed.

"Did it hurt Ziva?" Tony asked her tenderly placing a light kiss on her lips.

"Yes…" Ziva answered after a while, looking down avoiding any eye contact.

"Hé" Tony began urging Ziva to look him in the eyes. "It's not your fault, not at all Ziva. It's not your fault Ziva, do you hear me?"

A silent sob escaped Ziva's throat, after she nodded.

"One day at the time, we will get there and it will be absolutely beautiful. Trust me!" Tony whispered in Ziva's ear keeping her as close as possible.

"Oh and Ziva I think I will call you honey or sweetie from time to time." Tony added.

At that a laugh escaped Ziva's throat. "Just remember I can still kill you 18 different ways with a paperclip my little hairy butt."

"Yea I know but I don't care, you would never kill me." Tony answered while smiling.

"Do not be so curtain about that Tony."

"Jeez thanks Zi."

"You are welcome honey." Ziva added, a real smile plastered on her face.

"I'm going to kiss you senseless Miss David." Tony smirked.

"Bring it on Mister DiNozzo." Ziva answered while giggling. It felt so nice to have someone like Tony in her life, even when things were hard he would always find a way to make her smile. She absolutely loved that about him!

With that being said Tony gently kisses Ziva on the lips, after a few seconds the kiss deepened. Soon they were under the cover, enjoyed the comfort the other was providing.

"Night Ziva." Tony whispered placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"Good night Tony."

…

The next morning Ziva woke up with Tony spooning her, it was the first time this happened. Tony was laying very closely to her, she could even feel him breath on her neck. His arm was wrapped around her waist, it was nice having him this close to her. After a few minutes Tony started to stir, when he realised in what position they woke up he started to panic a little bit. He had obviously crossed some boundaries here, even when Ziva started to get more and more comfortable every day, intimacy was still a difficult topic. Usually Ziva would fall asleep with her head on Tony's chest but spooning was way more intimate. He hoped Ziva would be okay with their position.  
Ziva on the other hand could tell that Tony was freaking out a little, yes they had agreed on taking things slow but that doesn't mean he couldn't touch her at all.

"Tony stop worrying we are fine, I am not afraid of you or your body." Ziva whispered while turning over and facing Tony.

"I didn't mean to wake up like this, it just happened I guess."

"I know Tony, there is nothing to worry about, and you do not have to explain yourself."

"It's just I don't want to pressure you, I know your comfortable sleeping with your head on my chest but this is different. I'm so sorry…" Tony rambled, feeling like he had done something incredible stupid. He had invited Ziva's space…

"Tony it is fine, truly, do not worry. You cannot apologies every time we take things further, we did not plan on this but I like having you this close." Ziva spoke with determination, she had no idea why Tony was freaking out about something like this. He really hadn't done anything wrong, she liked waking up like this. Feeling him so close to her, the way his arm was around her waist like he was protecting her. It was probably the first time in her life that Ziva felt completely safe in a man's company and she loved it!

"You're not mad or…?"

"No Tony you silly man." Ziva responded, kissing Tony on the lips for the first time that morning. Only after a few kisses Tony started to relax, Ziva was really okay with this.

"I like having you close to me as well." Tony said between two kisses, keeping Ziva close to his body.

"Hmmm." Ziva murmured. "Tony I do not want you to get upset or worried every time we do something new, I will tell you when it is too much." Ziva stated, looking directly into Tony's eyes.

"Yea I guess I overreacted… It's just, we talked about things last night and don't want you to feel pressured in any way." Tony whispered.

"You are a good man Tony, do not doubt yourself so much." Ziva answered, placing several kisses on his jaw and neck.

"I want to do the right thing here Ziva." Tony responded.

"You are doing everything just right, no stop talking and kiss me."

"Whatever you want my lady." Tony spoke, feeling relived everything was just fine between them. He quickly kissed Ziva on her lips, gently sucking her lower lip. A low moan escaped Ziva's throat, enjoying the feeling of Tony's mouth on hers. It was the first time since they were a couple that Ziva's hands roamed Tony's chest under his shirt.

"Can you take it of Tony?" Ziva asked with a low and heavy voice.

"Mmm yes." Tony responded. He quickly pulled of his shirt and kissed Ziva again and again.

Ziva hands wove through Tony's chest hair, kissing him deeply but it was still not enough. She could feel his body react to her being this close but it surprised her that she didn't pull away or got scared. She knew she could trust Tony without a doubt, he wouldn't force her into anything she was not ready for.

"Tony…" Ziva said between the kisses.

"Hmmm?"

"You can take of my t-shirt if you want."

Tony was pleasantly surprised by Ziva's request, he knew she could feel his erection but still trusted him to be the gentlemen he promised to be. He realized it must have taking Ziva a lot of courage to ask something like that and Tony felt honoured.

"Only if you want me to sweetie." Tony spoke, placing his forehead against her and breathing deeply.

"I am sure Tony, I trust you."

"Thank you." Tony responded, kissing her gently on the lips before taking her shirt of. He was mesmerized by the view of Ziva's front, she was absolutely stunning. He could see some old scares, some of them appeared to have been very deep but that didn't take anything away from her beauty.

"You're so beautiful Ziva." Tony whispered against her lips before kissing her deeply.

Ziva knew Tony would see some of her scars but she could only see love and wonder in his eyes. She was taken aback by the many emotions she felt at the moment. She loved Tony for being so wonderful to her but she also felt very exposed and fragile. It was the first time in a very long time that Ziva was so exposed in front of a man, during the one-night-stand with Adam she never took of her top because she couldn't deal with that at the time. Ziva could deal with the scars, there weren't that many but the memories that are connected with them is what makes it so difficult. The pain and humiliation she still feels when she sees them is so overwhelming.

"I…" Ziva started but the emotions took over and some tears made their way down her cheeks. Tony gently kissed them away, knowing that this was a huge step for Ziva.

"You're so strong Ziva and so beautiful!" Tony breathed against the skin of her neck, encouraging her to lie down on her back.

Ziva noticed Tony wanted her to lie down but she needed him to be close to her and held on to his neck. Tony gently placed one hand on her stomach, tracing the scars with his finger.

"You're so strong Ziva, I love you so much. I wish we got you earlier…" Tony murmured, his voice lanced with tears. He was so angry with Saleem and his men, they had hurt Ziva so much but she still found the strength to overcome all of it.

"Tony… look at me." Ziva urged Tony to look at her. "Tony." Ziva spoke again taking Tony's face in her hands, looking into his eyes.

"It is not your fault, what happened to me is not your fault Tony. I am the one who walked away, I was ready to die back then but right now I am very happy Tony and that is all because of you. You saved me from that place and you have been there every single day, and I love you!" Ziva whispered, seeing the tears on Tony's cheeks. Both were crying silently, each of them remembering the time Ziva was gone.

"I still whished I…" Tony started after a while.

"No Tony stop blaming yourself! It is all in the past, we are here now. That is what matters." Ziva interrupted him, she didn't want Tony to take the blame, it was not his fault. She is the one responsible, she should have trusted Tony and Gibbs, her family.

"But it's not all in the past Ziva, you still got nightmares and you're afraid to be intimate. And all because of them, they should have died slowly and painfully." Tony uttered still overwhelmed with many emotions.

"I know Tony… but don't be angry it is not who you are." Ziva whispered, urging him to lie down next to her so she could snuggle into his side.

"Come here sweetcheeks!" Tony said, needed the comfort as much as she needed it, taking her in a tight hug.

"You love me?" Ziva asked softly, feeling safe in Tony's arms.

"Yes I do but you love me too?!" Tony responded kissing Ziva's head.

"Yes I do Tony, I love you." Ziva answered a big smile appearing on her face.

Finally Ziva and Tony had both found the strength to tell the other how they were feeling, they loved each other! Ziva knew there would still be a lot of difficult moments between them but she was certain they could overcome everything when they are together.

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**Thank you all for reviewing, I received some wonderful reviews! Absolutely loved it, please keep reviewing, it really makes my day! Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!**

**I.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey!  
A new chapter is up, sorry for the delay I've been sick for a few days.  
Enjoy and thank you all for reading!**

******Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 17:

A couple of days later Tony and Ziva lay snuggling closely in bed at night, enjoying a peacefully moment together. These last few nights Ziva started to get more and more comfortable being close to Tony, things slowly went further than kissing and cuddling. Ziva never thought she would even be comfortable with a man again but Tony had told her over and over that he would never do anything she wouldn't like or didn't want. Everyday she started to fall more in love with him, he was so gently and caring that it sometimes overwhelmed her. Over the days it had become a routine for Tony to only sleep with his sweatpants on, Ziva liked sleeping with her head on his bare chest. Ziva loved feeling him this close even if she knew she was still not ready for anything more. After cuddling for some time Ziva spoke:

"Tony?"

"Hmmm."

"Does your father know about us?"

"No he doesn't, why?" Tony answered her, calmly stroking her back up and down.

"It is nothing just a question, when did you last see him?"

"Don't know Ziva, last Christmas I guess. Why do you ask?" Tony asked a little annoyed but curious about where all these questions were coming from. Ziva knew he was not close to his father and that he didn't like to talk about his relationship with Senior. He kind of loved his dad but they were definitely not close.

"No reason Tony." Ziva responded, placing a kiss on his jaw.

"Spill it Ziva." Tony said a little harder than intended.

"Do not get angry with me Tony, I was just curious."

"Sorry, I know." Tony answered placing a light kiss on the top of her head.

"Do you think I should tell Senior about us?" Tony questioned after a few minutes of silence.

"It is not me who should decided that Tony but I think your father would be glad to know you are happy." Ziva spoke, kissing Tony on the lips afterward.

"Maybe, I don't know…"

"I think you should Tony, I know it is your decision but I also know that your father loves you." Ziva said quietly, hoping Tony would not make the same mistake and turn away from his father and never have the change to make things better.

Tony could read between the lines and knew how much the dead of Eli still effected Ziva, she would never talk about it but from time to time Tony would look at Ziva and see the hurt in her eyes.

"Ziva… I know you wish you could make things right with your father and I know you loved him even if things were hard between the two of you but my relationship with Senior is not the same." Tony answered softly not wanting to insult Ziva in any way.

"Why?" Was Ziva's only response.

"What Zi?" Tony asked pulling her close to him.

"Why is the relationship with your father so estranged Tony, what happened exactly?" Ziva whispered, knowing it was not an easy topic for Tony. She gently placed her hand over Tony's heart, kissing him on the chest.

"Life is what happened Ziva." Tony stated bluntly, his voice void of any emotion.

"Tony…" Ziva spoke gently, urging him to open up a little.

"What do you want me to say Ziva!?" Tony spoke harshly, not in the mood to talk about anything regarding his father.

Ziva knew Tony would not like this conversation at all but this time it was her turn to push some boundaries and make Tony talk.

"Tony… You are always telling me not to shut you out, I think now it is time for you to do the same, trust me please?" Ziva whispered, giving Tony a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"I trust you Zi, you don't have to doubt that." Tony answered, his voice filled with many emotions.

"Then talk to me honey."

After some time Tony untangled himself from Ziva and stood up.

"Stay here, I'll be right back."

"Okay." Ziva answered, sitting up against the headboard.

Only a minute later Tony re-entered the bedroom, a file in hand. He took a seat next to Ziva and handed her the papers.

"This is what happened to me after my mom died." Tony spoke quietly, avoiding any eye contact.

Ziva had no idea what all of this was about but she slowly opened the file and started reading, it contained all sorts of medical reports from when Tony was a young boy. Ziva wanted to ask Tony what this meant but Tony spoke before she had the change:

"After my mother died my father started to go out, get drunk and come home with some random woman a lot. I stayed home alone all the time, some nights when there was a thunderstorm I got really scared and I hoped Senior would be home soon. I was too young to understand everything but I still needed his love so I started to attract his attention. My brilliant plan was to get hurt and hope he would come and take care of me, so I started to jump down the stairs or hurt myself on purpose but he never came Zi… He usually just called one of his friends to take me to the hospital and take me back home after they fixed me. Then one day he disowned me and sent me to boarding school, after that things got better. During the holidays he would take me to all these different hotels or places and from time to time I had a good time but it was hard Ziva. I…" Tony murmured, his voice lanced with tears and the pain clearly visible on his face.

Ziva knew Tony had a difficult youth but she never expected something like this… These last two months Ziva started to get to know the real Tony and it amazed her how vulnerable and open he could be. She loves the Tony she knew from work but everyday she was falling more in love with the Tony behind all these masks. Looking at him now she could see the little boy who needed his father so much after his mother died. She placed the file down and gently pulled Tony's face toward hers, kissing him deeply.

"I wish you did not had to get through all of that Tony, no one deserves that." Ziva spoke while stroking Tony's face.

"I'm not angry with Senior anymore, I can understand now why he behaved the way he did. He loved my mom so much and it was his way to deal with the pain but it still hurts, I love my dad but I will never be able to forget what happened." Tony continued, a lonely tear making his way down his cheek. He tried to brush it away quickly but Ziva was first, she sweetly kissed away the tear and whispered in his ear:

"I am so sorry you had to go through all of that honey, you are an amazing man Tony and I love you so much. You never ever have to doubt that!"

"I love you too Zi." Tony whispered after some more tears made their way down.

Ziva kissed Tony on the lips a few times, letting him now she was right there and rested her forehead against his afterward.

"Nobody knows Ziva, all of this has to stay between us. I'm serious, I think Gibbs knows because after all he's Gibbs." Tony said after a while, keeping Ziva close to him.

"Yes of course do not worry, your secret is safe with me." Ziva answered placing a light kiss on Tony's lips. "Do you still have evidence of the injuries Tony?" Ziva asked tentatively.

"Yes I have Zi, some scars, but you can't see most of them when you're not looking closely. You heal fast as a child so there're only some minor scars left, you can't really see them anymore." Tony loosed his grip on Ziva and started showing her some of the more visible marks, one on his collarbone and an other on his lower back.

"One time the doctor took out my spleen, you can still see a little scar when you look closely." Tony spoke calmly, he knew he could trust Ziva with the truth, all of it.

"Can you lie down Tony?" Ziva asked.

"Yea..."

Ziva gently traced Tony's abdomen with her fingers, still seeing a little faint line. "Where else?"

"I don't know Ziva, I don't look at them anymore." Tony answered her honestly, he received the scars when he was very young and most of them faded away over the years.

"Hmmm, how many times did you needed surgery Tony?"

"You can read the file Ziva, I don't know by heart."

"Be honest with me Tony…" Ziva stated but her voice gentle and sweet.

"Seven times in four years I think." Tony whispered, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

"I really hate hospitals." Tony spoke after a while, pulling Ziva down for a hug.

"Hmmm…" Ziva murmured against Tony's chest. "Are you okay Tony?"

"Yes I am don't worry, I just don't like to talk about it. But it's been a long time, I'm okay with how things are now."

"We really have a bad record when it comes to family hé?" Ziva said, trying to lighten up the mood a bit.

"Yea I guess so." Tony answered a small smile appearing on his face. "Thank you Ziva." Tony spoke, kissing Ziva's temple.

"You do not have to be strong all the time and you definitely do not have to thank me honey." Ziva responded, kissing him deeply.

"I think I need some sleep." Tony said after a yawn escaped his throat.

"Me too." Ziva answered snuggling closer into Tony's side, placing her head on his chest.

"Night sweet cheeks, love you." Tony said hugging Ziva closely to him body.

"Love you too, good night my little hairy butt."

…

The following day Ziva woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon, the place next to her was empty. She quickly got up and walked into the kitchen, hugging Tony from behind.

"Good morning Tony." Ziva mumbled while kissing Tony's neck.

"Morning sleepy head." Tony answered, enjoying Ziva's lips on his neck.

"You are making breakfast?"

"Yes I am my little sunshine." Tony spoke, turning around and kissing Ziva in the lips. Real soon the kiss got more intense and their tongues were moving together.

"Hmmm, I can get used to waking up like this." Ziva moaned between two kisses, her breathing heavily.

"Anything for you honey."

"I have to ask you something Tony." Ziva said after her breathing returned to normal.

"I'm listening Ziva." Tony answered, placing his arms around her waist.

"Okay… I am not ready yet but I like having you close Tony and I guess I need to get used to being more intimate and comfortable with your body or something like that. I trust you and I know you would never hurt me. What I am trying to ask you is, if you want to take a shower with me, I am not comfortable being naked with you but maybe we can keep our underwear on. I know it sounds stupid but…" Ziva rambled, suddenly very nervous.

"Easy Zi, breath sweetie. I would love to take a shower together even with our underwear on but only if you're completely okay with it, no pressure Ziva." Tony interrupted, seeing the discomfort and uncertainty in her eyes and knowing how brave Ziva was for asking something like this.

"I am sure Tony but I am not sure how I am going to react." Ziva whispered, feeling very fragile and vulnerable at the moment.

"We will take things slow Ziva, I won't do anything you don't want me to." Tony quickly responded, embracing Ziva in a tight hug.

"I know."

"Thank you for trusting me Ziva." Tony spoke, kissing Ziva's cheek. "Come on breakfast first." Tony said, leading Ziva toward the table.

The two of them ate their breakfast in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts. After they finished breakfast neither Ziva nor Tony knew how to proceed things, should he take the lead or not? In the end it was Ziva who spoke:

"I am ready Tony."

"You know I love you Zi and not only because we're doing this right?" Tony said after they entered the bathroom.

"I know Tony and please stop worrying, this is supposed to be fun." Ziva answered while stripping down to her underwear. She wore a comfortable black bra with matching panties, Tony on the other hand wore a blue boxer.

Tony was overwhelmed by Ziva's beauty, she really was a wonderful woman inside and out. She had the perfect figure in his eyes, not too thin and with the right curves. He already knew she had some scars but like he already told her before they didn't take away her beauty.

"You're so beautiful Ziva." Tony whispered in Ziva's ear, getting close to her.

"I love you Tony." Ziva responded, placing several kisses on his lips. She gently leaded Tony under the hot spray of the shower.

"If it's too much you have to tell me Ziva, okay?"

"I will, would you just relax now." Ziva said, she loved that Tony was so carrying but sometimes she wishes he could just see that she was okay with it.

"Your wish is my command." Tony responded, kissing Ziva deeply.

Soon his hands started to roam her body and ended on her hips keeping her close to him. Ziva's hands wandered around Tony's torso and back, keeping him as close as possible. The close contact started to get an effect on both of their bodies, Tony tried to be a gentleman but he was still a guy who currently was in the company of a very attractive woman. Ziva also started to feel her body react which surprised her, it had been a very long time since she enjoyed being this close to a man. She could feel Tony's erection but secretly loved that she was the cause of it. They sealed their feelings with a deep kiss. After a while it was Ziva who spoke, her voice very vulnerable:

"Tony… It is too much, I am sorry… I did not know I…"

"It's okay Ziva, it's okay… I will get you a towel, it's okay honey." Tony responded calmly, seeing the fear in her eyes. He exited the shower, took a towel and handed him to Ziva.

"Take all the time you need, I will be just outside." Tony whispered, trying to make Ziva feel safe.

"Thank you." Ziva answered, not making any eye contact.

Ten minutes later Ziva entered the living room and took a seat next to Tony on the couch. She could see the worry reflecting in his eyes, she gently took his hand in hers and kissed his knuckles.

"Sorry Tony I…"

"Don't apologies Ziva, you did nothing wrong. You're okay sweet cheeks?" Tony interrupted, not wanted Ziva to feel like she did something wrong.

"I am now, I do not know what happened exactly. One minute I was fine, the next I started to panic I guess." Ziva said, she could see the change in Tony's demeanour but this was not his fault. "Tony you did nothing wrong, I think I had some flashback."

"Do you want to talk about it Ziva?" Tony asked her lovely.

"I do not really want to but I think I have to if we want to… I want to be comfortable around you and enjoy being close to you Tony. I love you and I feel safe with you so I think it is time to tell you what happened in Somalia. Not only for me but for us." Ziva whispered, being completely open with Tony.

"We don't have to rush into things sweetheart, we got time." Tony responded, squeezing her hand.

"I know Tony but I do not want to be afraid anymore, I trust you and I want you to know the whole truth."

"Okay come here." Tony spoke, taking Ziva into his arms and hugging her closely. "Take all the time you need, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"I know… can you just hold me for a while please?" Ziva pleaded, her voice filled with tears.

"You never have to ask that sweetie." Tony gently spoke in Ziva's ear, embracing her in a sweet hug.

To be continued...

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**Thank you all for reading and keep reviewing!**

**I.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hoi everyone!  
Here's a new chapter, it's shorter than usual but enjoy anyway!  
Thank you all for reading!**

******Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Previously:

_"I do not really want to but I think I have to if we want to… I want to be comfortable around you and enjoy being close to you Tony. I love you and I feel safe with you so I think it is time to tell you what happened in Somalia. Not only for me but for us." Ziva whispered, being completely open with Tony._

_"We don't have to rush into things sweetheart, we got time." Tony responded, squeezing her hand._

_"I know Tony but I do not want to be afraid anymore, I trust you and I want you to know the whole truth."_

_"Okay come here." Tony spoke, taking Ziva into his arms and hugging her closely. "Take all the time you need, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."_

_"I know… can you just hold me for a while please?" Ziva pleaded, her voice filled with tears._

_"You never have to ask that sweetie." Tony gently spoke in Ziva's ear, embracing her in a sweet hug._

Chapter 18:

Fifteen minutes later Ziva untangled herself from Tony's tight hug and took a place at the end of the couch, putting some space between them.

"Is there something I can do, something you need Ziva?" Tony whispered, seeing Ziva struggling with keeping her emotions under control.

"Euh… just keep your distance please?" Ziva answered, looking down.

"Okay…" Tony said, seeing the pain in Ziva's eyes but not knowing how to help her.

"Do not hate me Tony." Ziva uttered after a while.

Tony had no idea why Ziva thought he would hate her, he loves her so much that it kills him to see her so vulnerable.

"I can never hate you! Look at me honey, whatever you tell me I can never hate you, never. I love you Ziva... we both have are our past but that doesn't change the way I feel about you. Okay?" Tony spoke, wanting to make sure Ziva knew how he felt.

"Thank you, I love you too Tony." Ziva responded, a little smile appearing on her face for a split second before she started speaking.

"You have to know that before Somalia I never been shy about sex, in Mossad you learn how to use your body in order to complete a mission. I had sex with many men back then, I am not proud of it, but we were trained to succeed our mission no matter what or whatever it took. During these missions I always was in control of my body and the situation, I slept with these men to gain some crucial information or their trust but that was it. There were no emotions involved, it was just sex. I cannot say I liked it but my opinion did not matter. The first time it happened I just turned eighteen, it was not pleasant but my father was really proud of me so I started training even harder. When I first came to NCIS I was surprised and could not understand why you guys did not use that tactic to make people confess or gain information but I do now. You, Gibbs and McGee all showed me I could trust you without needing to give something back. I grew up in a different world Tony and I cannot change that." Ziva started, her voice giving away how much it all affected her.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me Ziva, you did what you had to do." Tony quickly responded, making sure she knew he didn't blame her for anything. It never was her own choice…

"I know Tony but I am not proud of it, if I was just strong enough to walk away from everything all of this would never had happened." Ziva stated, her voice high and full of emotions.

"It was not your choice Ziva! Your father was the director of Mossad, how could you possibly go against your father orders? You're not weak Zi, to the contrary!" Tony spoke.

"Maybe but it does not matter anymore." Ziva whispered already feeling exhausted. There were so many different emotions and memories coming back to her all at once that it started to overwhelm her.

"It does Ziva."

Ziva simply shrugged her shoulders and continued her story:

"When Rivkin died my father questioned my loyalty to Mossad so I agreed to complete the mission Rivkin started. I know it would be suicide but I did not know whom I could trust anymore at that moment… I came so close to killing Saleem Tony but somehow I got captured. I have been captured before, Mossad trained us how to handle these kind of situations and how to try and survive them. The first few weeks Saleem and his men used to question me about NCIS for hours but they quickly learned I would not talk. They used lots of different methods to make me talk but I am trained not to give in…  
Then one day I was brought to a different room and I was forced to take of my clothes…" Near the end Ziva's voice dropped to nothing more than a light whisper, a silent sob escaping her throat. She took a few deep breaths and continued speaking before Tony even had a change to speak.

"Saleem was the first one who…" Ziva couldn't find to words anymore, tears starting to fall down her cheeks freely.

"It's okay honey, you don't have to continue." Tony whispered, hating to see Ziva in so much pain. "Can I come any closer?" Tony asked her gently and sweet, desperate to hold her close to him.

Ziva nodded and fell into Tony waiting arms.

"You're safe here honey, just let it all out." Tony whispered in Ziva's ear, gently stroking her back.

"You do not know what they did Tony…" Ziva cried. "Sometimes they came with three or four at the same time and they all forced themselves on me. I do not know how to get rid of these memories Tony…It all hurts so much." Ziva whispered between the sobs.

"I wish I could take away your pain sweetie. I know there's nothing I can say to make this any better but I want you to know that I love you so much and that I'm never gonna let you go, even again." Tony spoke quietly, his own tears escaping his eyes.

Ziva and Tony hugged each other closely for a very long time, Tony whispered sweet nothings in Ziva's ear from time to time. After a while Ziva's breathing evened out and she was fast asleep, Tony gently picked her up and carried her toward the bedroom. He smoothly laid her down and tucked the covers around her body. Ziva moved in her sleep and held on to Tony's hand.

"Stay…" Ziva pleaded, her voice tick from crying.

"Of course I'm right here, not going anywhere." Tony answered, laying down next to her. Ziva snuggled into Tony's side and fell back asleep right away, completely exhausted.

"I love you Ziva." Tony whispered, falling asleep not long after her.

* * *

**I would like to hear your opinion about the story/this chapter, so please feel free to leave a review behind! Thank you! I would also like to thank all the people who took ****the time to write a review, it's really nice to hear your opinion. Keep it coming!**

**I.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey!  
New chapter is up, third one this week! Had some free time, finally.  
Enjoy and thank you all for reading!**

**********Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 19:

Tony was not able to sleep for long, he could not stop thinking about the things Ziva told him only an hour ago. The hurt and humiliation he had seen in Ziva's eyes had broken his heart into a thousand pieces. She was the strongest person Tony knew but seeing her this defeated was more than just hard. Tony couldn't understand how Ziva had found the courage and strength to go back to her normal live and pretend she was all fine, even if everyone close to her knew that she was struggling. He wishes he had done more to support her back then but was glad she was finally opening up to him. Tony could not image how Ziva must feel or what she's been through…

"Tony…" Ziva mumbled, turning around in her sleep.

"Shhh Zi." Tony whispered, caressing Ziva's back not sure if he should wake her or not.

A few moments later Ziva's eyes fluttered open, still hunted by the reminders of a very bad nightmare she just experienced.

"It's okay honey, you're safe here." Tony quietly spoke, keeping Ziva close to him and trying to calm her down.

Ziva snuggled even closer into Tony's side needing the comfort he was offering. She never thought being surrounded by his smell and body would have such a calming effect on her. Finally, after a few long minutes, Ziva started to relax in Tony's arms.

"Thank you." Ziva whispered, her voice still lanced with tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tony asked her gently.

"Not right now sorry."

"That's okay." Tony responded, placing a kiss on top of her head. "I will make us something to eat, just relax."

"Can we just stay here a little longer, I am not hungry." Ziva whispered, not in the mood to get up. She simply wanted to stay here with Tony and try to forget everything for a while.

"No problem honey, we can stay here as long as you want."

"Hmmm." Ziva replied, still completely exhausted.

The two of them lay there, cuddling together, for a long time. It was Tony who spoke first:

"You're the strongest person I know..." Tony whispered, suddenly overwhelmed by his emotions.

Ziva was taken aback by Tony's statement, it was rare hearing Tony speaking so honestly and open about his feelings or thoughts. But Tony couldn't be more wrong about her, she was definitely not strong to say the least. He had no idea what she had been through, not only in Somalia but also during life in general. Ziva may be acting all tough on the outside, most of the time, but on the inside she was crumbling down in many pieces from time to time. Ziva just stayed quiet and placed a sweet kiss on Tony's chest.

"I mean it Ziva, you probably don't agree with me but you are." Tony said when Ziva didn't respond.

"Tony…" Ziva began, facing Tony and placing her hand on his cheek. "I am not strong, you do not know everything. When you know all of it you will not see me as strong." Ziva stated, seeing Tony struggling with her words.

"You really can't see what I can hé? I know you're struggling with many things right now but you're still fighting Zi, you're not giving up! I admire your strength so much and I hope that one day you will able to see what I see." Tony whispered but his voice very determined, while stroking her back up and down sweetly.

Ziva pushed herself up on her elbows and kissed Tony on the lips for a long time. "I love you Tony, so so much it sometimes overwhelms me." Ziva spoke against his lips, placing both of her hands on his face.

"I think I know what you mean." Tony smirked, peppering Ziva's face with kisses. "Love you too honey!"

"Up for some food now?" Tony asked her after a few minutes of silence.

"Mmm yeah I guess lunch is a good idea." Ziva responded, starting to sit up.

"Okido I will make us some sandwiches."

"Thank you Tony, I am going to take a quick shower if that is oké?" Ziva answered, making her way toward the door.

"Take all the time you need sweetie." Tony spoke, placing a light kiss on her temple. He knew the nightmare and earlier events were taking its toll on Ziva and that she was still refusing to let him in completely. But Tony could understand why, all her life Ziva had dealt with her emotions and everything she's been through on her own. It is difficult to let people in your heart completely after so long. But Tony was determined to be there for Ziva no matter what, even when she was shutting him out from time to time. They both had to learn to trust the other with everything, the hard parts included…

…

They ate lunch in silence, both thinking about everything that happened these last couple of hours. It all started with a nice breakfast but now so many things had been transpired between them, they both had to deal with the many emotions they were experiencing at the moment. Ziva took Tony's hand on top of the table and gave it a gentle squeeze, making him look up at her.

"Do you want to go to the movies later?" Ziva asked him lovely. She knew it must be hard for him as well, he always tried to be strong around her but that didn't change the fact that it still affected him. Ziva hoped going to the movies would put his mind off things for a while.

"We don't have to Ziva, we can just stay here." Tony responded, still lost in his own thoughts.

"I think we need some time out Tony, do something relaxing. We need a break from everything mon petit pois." Ziva replied.

"Hmmm yeah you're probably right."

"I am always right." Ziva said playfully, making her way over to Tony and placing a feather-light kiss on his lips. "Thank you Tony." Ziva whispered against his lips, she was so grateful to have Tony in her life.

Tony grabbed Ziva by the waist and guided her on his lap, kissing her deeply.

"You're okay?" Tony spoke, nuzzling Ziva's neck.

"I will be Tony, stop worrying." Ziva answered, stroking the back of his neck lovingly.

"That's my job as your boyfriend, I care about you Zi." Tony said against Ziva's neck, kissing her collarbone.

"Is that so?" Ziva smirked, enjoying Tony's ministrations.

"Hmmm… I'm serious honey. I'm not going anywhere." Tony said, his voice filled with love. He was looking directly into Ziva's eyes, letting her know he was dead serious about it.

"I know Tony…" Ziva whispered back, placing her forehead against his.

They stayed in that position for a long time, savouring the love between them.

"Come on sweetie, let's go."

…

Ziva and Tony decided to watch _"We're the Millers"_ at the cinema, they definitely needed some humour to take their mind off things. During the movie Ziva rested her head on Tony's shoulder, needing his warmth and comfort. When the movie ended Ziva agreed on Tony's plan to go out for dinner, they certainly deserved some quiet time together.  
Later that night they arrived back at Ziva's place both tired from the day events. Tony, already changed in PJ's, waited till Ziva returned from the bathroom. Even when Ziva tried to act all carefree and "happy" Tony knew she was struggling to keep her emotions in check. It hurts him to see her in so much agony. Tony didn't even notice Ziva entering the bedroom, which was worrying Ziva, she took a side next him on the bed and took his hand in hers.

"What is going on Tony, you have been quiet all day?" Ziva questioned.

"Zi…" Tony began, facing Ziva. "Don't get me wrong honey but I can see how hard you're struggling with everything. I want you to be happy, I want us to be happy together…" Tony continued, stroking Ziva's cheek. "And I know you don't like to talk about it but do you think that maybe it could help you? You need a good night rest Zi and you deserve to be happy!"

Ziva refused to make any eye contact with Tony, she didn't know how to answer him. Rationally she knew that Tony was right, talking to a therapist about Somalia and other things may not be a bad idea… But she really hated talking about her feelings, especially with strangers, they all thought they knew how she must be feeling but they absolutely knew nothing about her!

"Ziva you don't have to answer me right now, I just want you to think about it. Okay?" Tony told her after she didn't make any sign she had heard him.

"Okay I will." Ziva answered with a small voice after a while.

"Thank you." Tony said, placing a sweet kiss on Ziva's cheek.

"Ziva can you look at me for a second please?" Tony asked her gently. Ziva slowly lifted her face up and looked at Tony, her eyes filled with tears.

"I've been staying here at your place for some time now but you can always tell me if you need some space Zi. I love spending time with you but you can kick me out if I'm too annoying." Tony spoke, trying to lighten up the mood a little.

"Your not annoying Tony!" Ziva stated, squeezing his hand tightly. She knew Tony was a pro at making fun of himself, in particular when the situation/his emotions were too much for him to handle.

"And beside I like having you here." Ziva continued, an honest smile appearing on her face for probably the first time that day. She laid her head on Tony's shoulder and closed her eyes.

"You're tired?" Tony asked her tenderly, placing his arm around her waist.

"Hmmm yes."

"Oké time to go to bed then sweetie." Tony responded, keeping the covers open for Ziva to snuggle under. He softly kissed her on the lips and made his way toward to other side of the bed. Ziva immediately rested her head on Tony's chest, wanting him as close as possible and said good night to him.

"Night Ziva, love you." Tony whispered, kissing the top of her head lovingly.

* * *

**Like always: keep reviewing, it really makes my day! Have a nice weekend.**

**I.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hoi hoi everyone!  
A new chapter is up, chapter 20! Yihaaa!  
Enjoy and thank you all for reading!**

**********Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 20:

** Sunday, September 1 **

For the first time since the beginning of their relationship, six weeks ago, Ziva and Tony had spent a few days apart at their own place. One morning Ziva told Tony that she needed some space and time alone to think things through, whatever that meant. Tony immediately thought Ziva was breaking up with him even when he had no idea why. But Ziva had reassured him over and over again, after seeing the panic written on his features, that he had done nothing wrong and that she just needed some time alone. Ziva had hugged Tony closely and whispered soothing words letting him know that she definitely was not breaking up with him. Reluctantly Tony had broken their hug, took most of his stuff and left her apartment. Later that day Ziva had texted Tony that she loved him but only when it became time for bed had he send her a text back telling her he loved her too.

On their first day apart Ziva had taken matters in hand and contacted Ducky and asked him if he could meet her. Ducky being Ducky had instantaneously invited her over that night for dinner. Over the phone she hadn't told him why she wanted to meet him but Ziva knew she could trust Ducky with all her heart. At six o'clock that evening Ziva arrived at Ducky's place, a bottle of whine in hand feeling quite nervous. Ducky greeted her friendly, led her toward his living room and offered her something to drink. The two of them made some small talk but Ducky quickly noticed that something was on her mind, was something wrong between her and Tony?

"Ziva may I be so rude to ask you what's really going on? Is something going on between you and Tony?"

A sigh escaped Ziva's throat, after a few seconds she faced Ducky and began to speak. "No Tony has been amazing these last couple of months, it is me. I…"

"You can tell me my dear, you obviously came here for a reason. Do not get me wrong I like having the company of the people I love but I can see that something is bothering you." Ducky said after Ziva went silent.

On the inside Ziva was debating if she should tell Ducky her problem or not but she quickly made up her mind. Tony deserved so much more than she was able to give him at the moment and she knew that if there was someone who could help her overcome or help her deal with her problems that she should try it. So she continued speaking:

"I am struggling with many things from my past these last couple of months, I used to bury everything deep inside me but I can not do that anymore. Tony deserves someone who is able to give him what he needs and I am not able to do that..." Ziva spoke, her voice small and filled with pain.

"I guess I need help Ducky... and I thought that maybe you know someone who deals with that." Ziva added.

Ducky gently placed his hand on top of Ziva's and calmly spoke: "I would like to help you my dear and I am glad you trusted me with your problem. I have the number of different therapists, they are friends of me and I trust them with my life, and I know that they would be delighted to help you."

"Thank you." Ziva whispered, feeling very self-conscious at the moment.

"You're more than welcome." Ducky answered, patting her knee. "I can see that you're not comfortable talking about any of it, so I will write down all the numbers and what their specialties are. That way you don't have to explain anything you're not at ease with." Ducky continued.

Ducky stood up and quickly made his way toward his study room and wrote down all the information. He had seen the pain on Ziva's face when she started talking, he knew it had taken her a lot of courage to ask for help. When she came back from Somalia everyone had seen her struggling but she had always kept everything hidden deep inside of her. Ducky never pressured Ziva to open up about anything, he knew that was something she needed to be ready for. He simply offered he a cup of tea and a light and comfortable conversation from time to time. But right now Ducky was conflicted, he was glad that she was finally ready to talk about it, not only Somalia but others things as well but it also hurts him to know that she is still struggling with it. Ziva had been through so much during her young life and it was simply unfair that the past kept interfering with her future. Ducky made his way back into the living room and handed Ziva the paper.

"Here you go my dear, I hope you will find the right person to help you."

"Thank you Ducky." Was all Ziva was able to say.

"Okay time for happier subjects, how are you and our lovely Antony if I my ask?"

At that a real smile appeared on Ziva's face. "He is an amazing man Ducky, I really love him" Ziva acclaimed.

"I can see that." Ducky answered, seeing her glow when Tony's name was mentioned. "I am happy for the both of you my dear, you both deserve it."

"Thank you Ducky."

"Come on dinner will be ready by now." Ducky spoke while standing up and offering his hand to Ziva like a gentlemen.

They ate and spend the night in each other company, chatting about many different things. At 10.30 pm Ziva hugged Ducky tightly and thanked him for the wonderful evening and the information he had provided her. Ducky told her he was happy to be able to help her and that she could always come over and talk to him.

A little before eleven Ziva arrived back at her apartment, it was then that she noticed how empty and lonely her place was without Tony. She knew Tony understood her decision to be alone for some nights but she still saw the hurt and panic reflecting in his eyes. Before crawling into bed Ziva send Tony a text to say good night.

The next two days Ziva did some intense research about the list of names she received from Ducky and finally decided to contact Doctor Lewis J. Doctor Lewis was a female doctor and gynaecologist who obtained her Masters in Psychology and mainly treated/worked with woman who have been victim of sexual abuse. The doctor also dealt with people, especially woman, with PTSD. Ziva hoped this doctor/psychologist would be able to help her work through some of her problems. She phoned Doctor Lewis office and was able to get an appointment next Friday (the sixth), it felt like a heavy burden was lifted from Ziva's shoulders. She missed Tony like hell but knew these few days apart had been a good thing but she couldn't wait to finally see him again.

Tony on the other hand had spent the three days worrying about Ziva, he had done his laundry and cleaned his apartment but he missed her a lot to say the least. He had no idea what was going on in that pretty head of hers and hoped she would contact him very soon, he was already used to spending the whole day and night with her.

Later that day, when the evening came around, there was knock at Tony's door. He secretly hoped it would be Ziva but knew it would most likely be his neighbour who needed something. So when he opened the door and saw Ziva standing there he was cheerful to say the least. She looked more relaxed than she had been the last couple of weeks, which was great but also a bit alarming. Did she like being away from him that much? It was Ziva who made the first move and pressed her body against his, enveloping him in a strong hug.

"I missed you." Ziva whispered against his chest.

"I missed you too sweet cheeks." Tony responded, planting a kiss on top of her head and inhaled the scent that made Ziva unique.

To Ziva's surprise Tony scooped her up and together they made their way inside Tony's apartment. Tony put her down in the living room and gently placed both hands on her cheeks kissing her tenderly for the first time in three days. The kiss quickly deepened, Ziva smoothly traced her tongue over Tony's lip asking for entrance. A low moan escaped Tony's throat when their tongues made contact. When oxygen became a necessity they rested their foreheads against each other, breathing deeply.

"You're okay honey?" Tony asked after his breathing was back to normal.

"I am now, I missed you Tony." Ziva whispered against Tony's chest, holding him as close as possible.

"Hmmm."

Ziva took Tony's hand and guided him toward the couch, indicating him to sit down. Ziva, in the need to be close to Tony, took the seat next to him keeping no distance between them.

"Thank you for respecting my privacy Tony." Ziva began, facing Tony and taking both of his hands in hers. "I know I did not give you any explanation but I needed some time alone. I visited Ducky two days ago and this morning I made an appointment with a therapist. I know you were right when you told me that maybe talking about the past would help me, so I asked Ducky for some advice and I found someone who hopefully can help me." Ziva continued. She wanted to give Tony the reason why she needed some time alone.

Tony listened carefully and kissed Ziva on the lips when she was finished. "I am so proud of you Zi and I hope that it will get easier honey. I will be there for whatever you need me, always." Tony whispered in Ziva's ear.

"I love you Tony." Ziva answered, suddenly overwhelmed with the strong emotions she felt toward Tony. A shiver ran down her spine when he kissed her neck.

"I love you more." Tony smirked between two kisses.

At that a giggle escaped Ziva's lips, it felt so nice being around Tony.

"You're staying here tonight?" Tony asked her with a low voice.

"I would like that."

"We will have to sleep closely together, you know twin bed and all." Tony said, looking into Ziva's eyes, a smile playing on his lips.

"Not a problem, I was not planning on letting you go far tonight anyway." Ziva answered honestly.

"Hmmm good." Tony responded before kissing her again and again.

At 7 pm Tony ordered in some pizza, neither were in the mood to cook. The two of them lay on the couch watching a movie until the pizza was delivered, Ziva's head had found her favourite place, on Tony's chest and Tony had placed his arm around her waist keeping her close.

"What is on your mind Tony?" Ziva asked when Tony got too quiet, looking up from her place.

"It's nothing Ziva."

"Tony…"

A deep sigh escaped Tony's throat before he started speaking:

"I'm a bit confused that's all."

"Care to explain Tony?" Ziva asked him lovingly.

"I kind of freaked out when you told me you needed some time alone and I'm just wondering if that is how our future will look like. Don't get me wrong Ziva, I know we both need some space from time to time but not seeing you for three days is a long time. I guess I just hoped I could help you or be enough…" Tony said, his voice giving away how much it affected him.

Ziva was surprised by Tony's answer, she never thought about it that way. She needed some space and yes it turned out to be three days, she had missed Tony but she never thought about how confusing it must have been for him. And she hated the fact that Tony thought he was not enough for her! For the first time as a couple Ziva invaded Tony's personal space completely and laid herself on top of him, she pushed her upper body up and placed both hand on Tony's face, urging him to look at her.

"You are more than enough for me and you will always be enough Tony. I was stupid and never thought about how much all of this affected you and I am sorry for that." Ziva spoke honestly while stroking Tony's cheek.

"It's okay Ziva." Tony tried to answer but Ziva interrupted him:

"No it is not! You have always been there for me and I took that for granted, I am sorry." Ziva told him very determined.

"Ziva…" Tony began, a deep sign escaping his throat. It was true, he hated to be away from Ziva but she had her reasons. He just hoped that in the future she would let him in and that they would deal with their problems together.

"I understand now why you needed some space Zi, so we're cool." Tony continued.

Ziva did not agree with Tony's opinion but didn't get the chance to protest when suddenly his lips were on hers, pulling her closely into his body. This time is was Ziva who deepened the kiss, needing him close as well.

"I love you Tony." Ziva whispered against his lips, tears welling in her eyes.

"Hé… " Tony spoke, while stroking her cheek. "I love you too Ziva, come here honey."

A few minute later the pizza arrived and the two of them ate in a comfortable silence while watching a movie. At 9.45 pm they decided to go to bed early, both feeling quite tired. Ziva lent a sweatpants and T-shirt from Tony and made her way toward Tony's twin bed.

"I can take the couch if you want?" Tony interrupted Ziva's thoughts.

"Why would you do that Tony?" Ziva answered, a little confused. "We have slept together for the past six weeks, what is the problem?"

"There's no problem Ziva, it's just we won't have much room that's all."

"I like having you close Tony." Ziva voiced, the words came out not louder than a whisper.

"Guess what? I like having you close too Zi." Tony responded, embracing Ziva in a lovingly hug. "Come on sweetie."

It was absolutely no problem for the both of them to be close to one another, they only realised now how much they had missed sleeping together in the same bed. Ziva had placed her head in the crook of Tony's neck, her hand over his heart and one of her legs between the two of his. It was like her body fitted perfectly into his, Ziva simply enjoyed laying here with him. She gently traced patterns on Tony's chest with her fingers, from time to time playing with his chest hair. Tony had placed his arm around Ziva shoulders, now and then kissing her on the head.

"I am scared Tony." Ziva whispered after a while against Tony's neck, her voice wavering.

Tony only tightened his grip on her. "What for Zi?" He asked her tentatively, placing a light kiss against her temple.

"Losing you… losing this." Gesturing between the two of them. "What if the doctor can not help me? I want us to be happy as well but right now my head and heart are one big mess and I do not know how to fix it anymore…" Ziva silently spoke, her voice starting to fill with tears.

Tony gently turned them over placed his body half on top of hers, looking directly into her eyes. "I love you Ziva and I like spending time with you. I know not everything is like you want it to be but it will be, trust me! I will always be by your side and I won't give up on us Zi, ever. And I'm confident this doctor will be able to help you, you have to believe in it too sweetie." Tony softly spoke, kissing her lips afterward.

A lonely tear made it way down her cheek, which Tony quickly kissed away.

"Thank you." Ziva uttered, still overwhelmed by her emotions.

"You're more than welcome honey." Tony responded, placing a sweet kiss on her forehead.

Tony took the place next to Ziva and urged her to snuggle into his side again.

"Good night honey." Tony spoke after a while, lovingly stoking her back.

"Night Tony, love you."

* * *

**Like always reviews are more than welcome, thank you! Let me know what you're thinking about this chapter, it's a little 'stiff' I know, but I had to make the transition toward a new part of the story and it was kind of difficult.  
Remark: I will not follow the storyline of the show, just so you now.**

**Have a nice weekend!**

**I.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hoi everyone!  
****Finally a new chapter is up, sorry for the delay it's been a busy couple of days. By offset this chapter counts more than 4000 words, enjoy! Thank you all for reading.**

******Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!**

* * *

Chapter 21:

Only ten minutes after they wished each other a good night Ziva had fallen asleep snoring softly, Tony however was not able to doze off. His mind was working overtime, a couple of days from today it would be eight months since the dead of Eli David. Tony didn't like the man but he knew that in spite of his many mistakes Ziva loved him very dearly and that his dead had brought along a lot of trouble. Even when Ziva refused to talk about the events of her father's dead, Tony sometimes saw that look in her eyes when she was remembering him or that fatal day. He hoped that one day Ziva would be able to share these feeling with him. It also meant that eight months ago, give or take, Ziva had slept at Tony's place for the first time, in truth she had been the first woman Tony had ever taken home at his apartment. It had taken a lot to convince her to sleep in his bed but Tony knew that deep down Ziva had appreciated his actions. So much had happened these last few months, Tony never thought that he would call Ziva his girlfriend and that now, this night, they would sleep together in his bed.  
Tony knew for a long time, even before Eli died, that he was in love with Ziva but he had never found the strength to tell her the truth. But right now there was no place he would rather be, Ziva was safe sleeping close to him. Tony hoped that in the near future she could be completely happy and that she finds peace in her heart and head. He couldn't imagine what she was going through or what she already been through during her young life, at the age of 31 she actually was an orphan. She had lost every member of her family, Tony couldn't even start to picture how it must feel to have no near family at all. He still has his dad even when they were not that close. Ziva had already seen and go through so much violence and pain, Tony hoped her future would to be brighter. Pictures of the two of them, who know even with a small girl or boy or both, kept popping up in his mind. He would absolutely do everything to make Ziva happy, she deserved so much more life had offered her. With these happy thoughts Tony slowly drifted to sleep…

Unfortunately a little after 2 am a brutal nightmare disturbed Ziva's peaceful sleep, she was breathing heavily and, without being fully aware of it, tears were streaming down her cheeks. Carefully Ziva made her way out of bed, trying not to wake up Tony, and entered the bathroom. Not long after she left the room Tony woke up, missing Ziva's warmth next to him and noticed that the space next to him was empty. He quickly got out of bed and found Ziva sitting on the bathroom floor, silently crying. Seeing her like this broke Tony's heart, Ziva never told him what the nightmares were about but seeing her this vulnerable and crying so openly was enough to know that it must be absolutely terrible. Tony gently made his way toward her and took the place next to her, still keeping a safe distance.

"Ziva?" Tony spoke lovingly. "I am going to place my hand on your back okay?"

"No no stay away!" Ziva uttered, her voice filled with so much fear.

"Zi… It's me Tony, you're safe here sweetie." Tony tentatively responded, but on the inside he was hurting. The terror in Ziva's voice and was so difficult to hear.

At that a sob escaped Ziva's throat. "Please make it go away…" Ziva pleaded.

"I wish I could honey, can I come closer?"

Ziva only nodded so Tony took that as a sign to come closer and gently wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Do you want to talk about it Ziva?" He asked her after some time.

"No…" Was Ziva's only response.

The two of them sat there for a long time, Tony gently stroking Ziva's back while her head was on his shoulder. Tony had no idea what made her this upset but decided not to push her right now, she would talk when she's ready he hoped.

"You're freezing Zi." Tony began. "Maybe we should go back to bed?"

"I do not want to go back to sleep Tony." Ziva answered, her voice still raw from crying.

"We can watch a movie on my laptop? That way you can warm up a little what do you think?"

"Okay." Ziva said. She slowly stood up and made her way toward Tony's bedroom, crawling under the covers.

Tony on the other hand quickly picked out a movie, took his laptop and made his way toward Ziva. He was worried to say the least, he had been there many times before when Ziva experienced a nightmare unfortunately but never before had she shut him out like this. The only gesture he was allowed to make was stroking her back. Ziva had pushed him away when he wanted to embrace her in a hug and apparently she decided to give him only one-word responses. What the hell happened to make her so jumpy?

"Is it okay if I sit next to you Ziva?" Tony asked her lovingly, silently hoping she would say yes.

"Hmmm."

Tony carefully sat down next to her and started his laptop, while keeping an eye on her.

"Do you need an extra blanket honey?"

"No thank you."

During the film Ziva was lost in her own thoughts, it had been a very long time since she had a nightmare this bad. Most of the times the nightmares would upset her but she would be able to calm down and get a grip on her emotions. But this time it was different… What scared Ziva the most was that she could not remember what exactly happened during the nightmare, there was only this immense panic and fear that took over. Even the company of Tony was not enough to get rid of the remainders of the bad dream. How was she supposed to explain what she felled at the moment to him? Rationally Ziva knew Tony's only intension was to help and support her but her mind was not able to let him in and see him as a good thing. There was only panic… It had been an hour since she woke up but she still couldn't let go of these feelings and having Tony this close was freaking her out for some reason. That had never happened before, she loved being close to him, but right now Ziva was so confused. Maybe she should talk to him about it?

"Tony?"

"Yes Ziva?"

"I do not know what is happening." Ziva whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

"What do you mean sweetie, you can talk to me you know that right?" Tony asked her gently, taking one of her hands in his.

"I know." Ziva started, removing her hand from Tony's which was worrying him even more.

"Don't shut me out honey." Tony whispered.

"I am not! I am trying Tony." Ziva responded, her voice breaking near the end, tears falling down her cheeks freely.

Tony tried to hug Ziva again but also this time she stopped him.

"No no…" Ziva uttered. "Do not touch me…"

The fear Tony saw in Ziva's eyes made him want to hold her so tight but he wasn't allowed to do that. His heart was hurting so deeply for her…

"Okay I won't, what do you need Ziva? Tony responded, feeling at loss of what to do.

"I do not know…" Ziva whispered, desperation clearly audible in her voice. Ziva was feeling like she was suffocating, she needed to get away from everything and everyone, Tony included, for some time till she had her emotions back under control.

"Can I take a shower?" Ziva asked after some minutes had passed.

She looked so vulnerable right now, Tony would do anything to help her get through whatever she was experiencing.

"Off course Ziva, you don't have to ask that."

"Okay."

With that being said Ziva made her way toward Tony's bathroom, closing the door behind her. Tony was pacing up and down his apartment, he had absolutely no idea what just happened at all. One minute they were sleeping peacefully, the next Ziva was having the beginning of a panic attack and wouldn't let him nearby. Tony hoped that being alone would put Ziva's mind at ease a little and that she would let him in on her thoughts/feelings.

Only after fifty minutes Ziva re-entered the bedroom, her eyes red from crying and feeling completely exhausted.

"Hé." Tony greeted her, hating it to see her so vulnerable and hurt.

Ziva quickly made her way under the covers and curled herself into Tony's body, letting his shirt absorb her tears. Ziva was still very confused and had no idea why she was crying but at least she had overcome the panic that took over her mind a little while ago. She knew Tony would be there to protect her and that he was a safe place to let her emotions out.

Tony was glad that Ziva was able to be close to him but it broke his heart to see her in so much agony. He gently began to stroke her back and whispered little words into her ear, hoping it would calm her down somehow. After a while Ziva looked up at Tony and lovingly kissed him on his lips.

"I am sorry for my behaviour Tony."

"Don't be Ziva, you're okay now?" Tony answered, keeping her close to him.

"I will be… I have no idea what just happened, I kind of freaked out sorry." Ziva whispered, laying her head on Tony's chest.

"Don't be sorry sweetie, I'm just glad that you're better now. Do you want to talk about it now?" Tony asked her tentatively, placing a light kiss in her temple.

After a moment of silence Ziva said:

"I do not know what came over me, when I woke up there was only panic and fear inside of me… I cannot explain why."

Tony just held Ziva a little closer, kissing her head.

"I am sorry you had to go through that." Tony whispered after a while, embracing her in a tight hug.

"Thank you Tony."

"Anytime sweetcheeks, what do you need? I can make you some tea or we can watch the end of the movie or we can…" Tony rambled.

"Shhh…" Ziva said softly, placing a light kiss on Tony's lips. "Get some sleep Tony, I am fine."

"No you're not Ziva, you look exhausted."

"I do not want to close my eyes." Ziva admitted, her voice wavering and small.

Tony felt useless at the moment, what could he possible do to help her? He wished he was able to protect her from the bad dreams but unfortunately he couldn't do anything against them. It was difficult seeing Ziva like this, she was still his tough and kicking ninja he loves deeply. During the day, especially in the company of their friends/family Ziva would pretend that everything was perfectly fine. Of course they were happy together, they had found each other after so many years but that didn't mean everything was fine. Ziva was struggling so hard with many things but no way she would let her friends see her "weaknesses". But at night when the nightmares took over Ziva looked so fragile and broken. Tony was afraid that one day it would all be too much for her, she was the strongest person he knew but any human can only deal with so much, everyone has their limits and Ziva was reaching hers. She desperately needed a good night sleep and find a way to deal with the nightmares and all the different emotions. Tony hoped that the doctor Ziva had an appointment with would be able to help her in time. She deserved to be happy and carefree!

"I wish I could make the nightmares go away." Tony said, not completely aware he was voicing his thoughts aloud.

Ziva longed for a good night sleep, the lack of sleep was slowly catching up and she didn't know how much longer she could deal with the current situation. It was so unfair that she was keeping Tony from his sleep as well, he didn't deserve that in any way. All he did was be there and protect her, always respects her boundaries and never asking for something back. Ziva couldn't understand why he stayed with her, she didn't deserved his caring…

She lovingly placed her hand above his heart, noticing his T-shirt was wet from her crying.

"I love you Tony so much, I wish I could offer you more." Ziva whispered, tears welling in her eyes again.

"Being here with you is more than enough sweetie." Tony responded, kissing Ziva's lips afterward.

"Your shirt is wet, I am sorry."

"Don't worry about it Ziva." Tony reassured her. "Try to close your eyes Zi, I will be right here honey."

Ziva struggled for a while, she didn't want to close her eyes afraid the nightmares would disturb them again. But she was so tired that eventually sleep took over.

"I love you too honey." Tony said under his breath before he drifted into sleep as well.

The following morning Tony woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon, noticing Ziva was not in bed anymore. At the same moment Ziva entered the bedroom, a plate of food in hand.

"Morning Tony." Ziva said, giving him a small smile.

After the major incident last night Ziva had managed to get five hours of decent sleep, she woke up a little after nine and decided to make breakfast for Tony. That is the least I can do Ziva thought.

"Hé." Tony uttered, his voice thick from sleeping.

Ziva placed to food on Tony's nightstand and crawled in bed next to him.

"You're okay?" Tony asked her sweetly while stroking her face.

"Hmmm I am fine and thank you."

"You don't have to thank me Zi, I'm here for you no matter what." Tony responded, kissing her cheek.

"I know."

"You made us breakfast?" Tony asked when his stomach growled.

"Yes, here you go honey." Ziva answered, handing him a plate and kissing him on the lips.

"What do you want to do today?" Tony asked her between two bites.

"I do not know. I am not really in the mood for company." Ziva quietly spoke.

"I have the perfect idea." Tony beamed.

Seeing the sparkles in Tony's eyes Ziva knew that no matter what his proposal was she was going to agree with it.

"And what would that be?"

"A Bond marathon, you must have seen all the movies at once. What do you think?" Tony asked, hoping Ziva would agree with it.

"I think I would like that." Ziva responded, giving him an honest smile. She knew she would make Tony happy by accepting his offer and watching movies together was not a bad way to spend your day after all.

"Great! How about we stay in our pyjama's the whole day doing nothing else?" Tony added, his enthusiasm very noticeable.

"I like your idea more and more mister DiNozzo." Ziva smirked, kissing Tony. This time they both started to deep the kiss, both needing the reassurance they were okay.

"I love you Ziva." Tony whispered against Ziva's lips after they parted, both breathing heavily.

"I love you too Tony." Ziva quickly responded, peppering his face with kisses.

The two of them snuggled together and started watching the first Bond movie, enjoying their time together. However Tony could feel the tension in Ziva's body, even when things were okay between them the previous night had made an impact on her. Tony gently began to massage her shoulders, Ziva humming in contentment.

"Zi?"

"Hmmm yes?"

"Do you want me to massage your back, you're kind of tense?" Tony asked her tentatively, knowing that intimacy was still a cautious subject between them.

For a long time Ziva was lost in her thoughts, she knew Tony would always respect her body. She could trust him no matter what and she definitely would like to relieve some tension from her body. After a minute of silence Ziva answered him, a smile appearing in her lips.

"I think I would like that."

"Okay miss David would you please lie down for me?"

A light giggle escaped Ziva's throat Tony knew exactly what she needed, Ziva gently lie down on her stomach. Tony was really good at this, he could feel the pressure points where the tension was the most and gently began the massage them away. After a while Tony whispered in her ear.

"Can I take off your shirt Zi?"

And quickly added. "You don't have to, it just would be nice."

Tony had already seen her without T-shirt and she felt very peaceful at the moment, so there was no reason to say no. Ziva lifted her shirt above her head and lie down again.

"You're beautiful honey." Tony spoke lovingly, gently touching her back with one hand.

Tony knew Ziva didn't agree with him so he wasn't surprised when she didn't answer him. Then this idea came in mind, he quickly left the bedroom and came back within seconds, body lotion in hand. Ziva looked up when he re-entered the room, confused why he suddenly left.

"Ziva can I use this?" Tony asked, unsure about her answer. This was definitely crossing some new territory between them.

Ziva feeling completely at ease only nodded and hoped Tony would just resume his ministrations.

"Can I?" Tony asked, touching the clasp of her bra.

"Eum…" Ziva stuttered while looking up at Tony. She could only see love reflecting in Tony's eyes and knew that is was safe to expose herself to him. Tony had been so kind and patience with her that Ziva allowed him to open the clasp of her bra.

"Thank you." Tony whispered in Ziva's ear. "When you're not comfortable anymore just tell me okay?"

"I will Tony." Ziva voiced.

With the confirmation that she was fine Tony gentle began to massage her entire back with the lotion. After a while Tony bends over and kissed each of the scars on her back tenderly, Ziva was taken aback by Tony's actions, tears beginning to pool in her eyes. Nobody had ever been so sweet with her, making out or sex was just a way to vent some frustration or take care of your own need. But feeling Tony's gently care made her only love him more.

"Tony…" Ziva uttered, turning over on her back. In the process revealing her front to Tony for the first time.

Tony was mesmerized by Ziva beauty, she was absolutely stunning. He could see some minor scars on her lower abdomen but god she was beautiful Tony thought. He knew that this, being half-naked in front of him was a huge step for her.

Ziva looked Tony in the eyes and the only thing she could see in them was love and cares, what surprised her were the tears in Tony's eyes.

"You're so amazing." Tony whispered, gently coming closer and placing a tender kiss on her lips.

"Tony." Was all Ziva could say.

Tony could see the uncertainty in Ziva's eyes and knew he needed to be careful with his actions. He slowly began to trace the little scars on her abdomen, never taken his eyes from her. Just letting her know that his intentions were honest.

Ziva on the other hand was confused, she loved Tony's gentle touch but the uneasiness was slowly taken over. Seeing the look in his eyes was becoming too much, she liked being this close to him but she felt very exposed at the same time. She gently stroke his cheek, urging him to look at her.

Tony thought he was doing the wrong thing and removed his hands from her body.

"No Tony do not stop." Ziva stuttered, a little ashamed that she liked his touch a lot. "Just lay down with me please… under the covers?" Ziva continued.

"Hmmm."

Tony lifted the covers and placed them over Ziva body, lying down next to her.

"You're okay like this?" Tony questioned. It was the first time things went this far between them and he wanted to make sure she was fine with it.

"I think I am." Ziva honesty answered.

Ziva lie herself on her side, facing Tony, and pulled at the hem of his T-shirt silently asking him to take it of. Tony imitated Ziva's position and took of his shirt, placing his arm around her waist bringing her closer to him.

"Do you mind the scars Tony?" Ziva quietly asked, when they were almost nose-to-nose.

"No Zi, I told you before they don't take away your beauty. You wouldn't be the same person without them. They are a representation of your strength and they show me how strong you are." Tony answered. His voice filled with love and determination while gently stroking her side up and down, lightly touching the lower part of her breast.

"Thank you Tony…" Ziva spoke kissing Tony deeply. "Thank you for being so gentle, I never thought I would like to be touched again. You are the first man since…" Ziva trailed off, knowing Tony would be able to fill in the blanks.

"I am truly honoured honey… You're okay with this?" Tony asked her when he smoothly traced the outlines of her breast with his fingers. He could see that her nipple was stiff but he needed to make sure he was not crossing too many boundaries.

"Hmmm." Ziva hummed, closing her eyes getting lost in the sensation of Tony's hand on her body.

"Tony?"

"Yes Ziva?"

"I am still not ready for more, I am sorry." Ziva whispered, her voice wavering. Being this close to Tony she could feel the reaction their actions had on his body. She wasn't afraid of it, this was Tony her boyfriend after all, but taken matters in hand was not something she was ready for. Ziva knew it was not fair asking him for his patience this long but for now this was all she could offer.

"Hey look at me. You never, ever, have to be sorry Ziva. I've already told you that I can wait until you're ready, I'm never going to push you into things you're not ready for. So don't worry about me, I am perfectly happy with the way this are right now." Tony spoke very determined. He was not planning on letting Ziva blame herself for things that were out of her hands.

Ziva could not meet Tony eyes, feeling very self-conscious at the moment. "But I can feel…"

"Does it bother you because I can…" Tony began but Ziva interrupted him quickly.

"No Tony it does not bother me, I just think that it must not be comfortable."

"I can take care of that later, don't worry." Tony bluntly revealed. "Okay that came out wrong." Tony added.

At that Ziva started to laugh out loud, she saw the colour rising in Tony's cheeks. He was still a guy after all with very natural needs, there was absolutely no shame in that. Ziva playfully hit his chest and spoke:

"It is okay Tony, you do not have to be ashamed every guy does it, some woman as well." Ziva added, teasing Tony a little. She knew it was unfair teasing him like that when she was not able to be intimate with him but she just couldn't let that one go.

"Haha funny David." Tony said, starting to tickle Ziva's sides.

"No stop it Tony." Ziva pleaded, laughing so hard happy tears were pooling in her eyes.

"Tony!" Ziva warned him, she was still able to take over control in a second.

"You're not funny." Tony playfully spoke, kissing Ziva's cheek.

Ziva gently pushed Tony on his back and lie down on him.

"I love you Tony." Ziva voiced, a smile plastered on her face.

"Love you too sweetcheeks." Embracing her in a strong hug.

The two of them lie there for a long time, simply enjoying being together…

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**Please keep reviewing and thanks for all the reviews I already received! Have a nice weekend!**

**I.**


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